Anyone else ever feel this way?

I haven't been on my blog in forever.  Chaos has been too much of a constant over the past 4 months.  The proverbial not knowing what project to start with when your desk is a mess.  My internal desk was a mess.  I have been making attempts to clean up the clutter. 

The first clean up.  I was working in a job that was a terrible fit.  It was with a great organization but the job and the department were not a great fit for me and my internal culture.  That is what started the chaos.  Then, the non profit ran into some financial difficulty and we had budget cuts.  Deep budget cuts.  20+ people were laid off.  2 Directors.  Tough stuff. Ok.  fine, I didn't have a job but here was an opportunity to find a job that was a great fit.  The problem was I wasn't really sure what that was. Remember, I was a mom.  A full time mom.  Other moms said I was a great mom and came to me for advice.  I even won a Mother of the Year contest.  This was a job I was not able to go back to.  Talk about being laid off! Was I still on that old story?   Then the chaos really kicked in.  What the Hell!  I am 50 years old, why wouldn't I know what I wanted to do?  Writing has always been my kickstand that helps prop me up and I wasn't able to get my thoughts on paper, I couldn't even form sentences to describe what was so chaotic.  How do I explain when I don't understand?  I know what my interests are. I know what my experiences makes me capable of.  I even know what I excel at.  Why couldn't I piece this puzzle together and create the picture on the box.  This made me even more unhappy.

Then I started to breathe.  I took one day at a time.  Every day I did three things, I did one thing I loved, one thing that was good for me, and thought of one thing that my life was blessed with and kept that in mind all day. And I started to work a part time job that I loved.  And it involved writing, but not about me, or my life.....and it worked.  After this I think my focus will be on writing about what I know, not how I feel and what I think about events.  I need to clear up the desk a bit more.  Wish me luck.