Mind over Matter How to De-clutter

Mind over Matter.

How to De-clutter

As someone who works with people on moving forward in their lives I would like to offer a bit of a mind set to try on prior to jumping into any organizing or de-cluttering project. Once you are committed to moving forward the rest is just the doing. 

1)  Live the life that you want to live.  If you have something in the garage because it is not your style, or your color, or it doesn't make you feel good then it is not meant to be yours.  We all learn and get better as we go along.  Maybe we are a better version of ourselves and the item is not. Let it go.  Be the person you want to be.  Would you rather have a house full of ugly things or very few things but items that reflect who you are.  Would you rather give a gift wrapped in crinkly paper or spend a few more pennies (really, it is just pennies at you can get cute stuff at the dollar store) and give a gift that reflects who you are or even who you would like to be. Do you need 10 cookie sheets or can you get by with 4 of your nicest?  Do you need 15 coffee mugs with varying logo's designs etc or do you want to use the ones you love?  William Morris was a smart man when he said,  "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” 

2) Follow the 3 year rule.  If you have not used something in 3 years you will probably not use it again.  Some people believe that you should go by the one year rule but I know that realistically people will not do that. I know that life sometimes lives us, we don't live it.  Give yourself a break. There are some years that you don't use something you normally would have at a certain time or point because someone in your family was sick or hospitalized, or  "you weren't home a lot that summer" or whatever else it is that made the past year or 2 unusual.  3 years and you will know for sure.  After 2 years put the item in a box in the garage/basement/attic.  Mark it with the date.  If during the next year you pull the item out and actually use it, it is safe, if not at the end of that year it is no longer yours as you don't need it.  If you pull it out because you want to use it or think you will but you don't use it, put it back in the box.  I know this may feel like you are moving boxes around and you will in the first year but each year when you do it you will have boxes you are taking out, not just items.

There will be some items you don't need to put in a box and wait the three years for.  You know you haven't used the item in a long time.  Release it.  Set it free.  Maybe someone will give it the use you never could. Make it easy.  Have boxes marked  'Trash' 'Garage Sale' 'Charity' and then your 3 year box. Pick a closet/drawer/room and have at it.  I promise that with each area you complete you will feel better.  Even a drawer getting organized makes me feel accomplished.

3)  I was raised in a lower to middle class family.  I HATE not being thrifty and not using items or discarding them due to non use instead of something wearing out. This is my biggest hurdle when cleaning out.  When I say to get rid of it or it is not yours that does not mean to throw it out.  It always makes me feel as though I wasn't a spend thrift if I find a home for it where the item will be used and wanted. You can sell it, you can give it away to a charity, you can give it to friends you know who may want or need it.  I love excuses for a get together with friends and family so I prefer having a trade party.   Everyone brings decent items that they no longer use or want.  For each item that you bring you get a ticket and you can use these tickets to buy an item that someone else brings.  You each agree at the end of the night that if someone doesn't want you item or you don't want someone else's item it goes to charity.  If several people want the same item you can draw for it or bid another ticket but establish the rules at the beginning.  Make it a potluck and have fun.  Know there will be laughing at some items or bidding wars over others.

4)  Do not save things for other people.  There will be no 'so and so will use this' in a few years.  Ask if they want it now.  If they do, they can store it.  

5) Throw some of this out the window when you are dealing with heirlooms or family items. Sometimes that falls under the Willliam Morris quote of usefulness and beauty.  It may be useful because it maintains family ties or may be beautiful as it brings to mind wonderful family memories.  This is a part of living the life you want to. 

6) Organize by how you use the item, where you use the item, season, color, etc.  Have a plan.  If it makes sense it will make it easier for you and allow you to remember where it is and therefore help you with actually allowing it to be a useful item.  All crafts should be in one area.  If you can't fit them into the area find a different area.  It makes no sense to have them in different spots, even if they are organized.  How many times have you gone out and bought something because you didn't know you had it and you looked in the area you thought it should be?  Make it make sense.

7)  I have a friend who follows the 'In and Out' rule.  If she buys a new broom, pan, picture,etc she then has to get rid of one of the same.  You may not be able to do this every time, or want to especially if you  buy based on what you need but it might be something to keep in mind when you do have multiples.  Especially when there is a lot of wear.

8)  Make a list as you clean and de-clutter.  Write down what you could use and what you have a need for.  You might not be able to run out and buy every item but at least you will know.  Write down what is broken and needs to be fixed.  Write down anything that comes up in the form of a 'to do'  If you don't you will pull the item out to use and find that you may as well not even have the item because you can't use it. 

I hope that helps.  As I said, as I work with people on changing things that don't work in their lives I find the biggest hurdle is their own mind set.  People usually have the ability or can learn what they need to do.  It is freeing them of the thoughts and patterns that they want to continue on with even when it isn't working.

Your wardrobe closet brings a whole new set of rules- more on that to come.

When Grandma Doesn't Know Best-Getting Help When Bringing Home a Newborn.

My 3 favorite moments on earth involve having my sons.  Not necessarily the birth but bring each home and becoming that family, exhausted, rumpled clothes, disoriented family, but happy, whole family non the less. My two older are 18 months apart and with the third homecoming I had three 4 and under.   I have a lot of experience with children, babies in particular, so the transition was actually pretty easy- if you don't consider that my house wasn't always 'company ready' and my hair looked kind of 'dreadlocky' some days.  We were busy figuring out what worked for us and how to incorporate each little person into what equated to happiness for us.

Maybe you love kids but have not had a lot of experience with them. You might not even know how to set up a nursery, or what swaddling is, or the pro's of why you would get a stroller with the car seat attached.  A new baby comes home and you have no idea what a normal schedule is, what a normal poop is, how many ounces (top and bottom end) is normal, or how to bathe a baby, or maybe ways to soothe them when they are just fussy or uncomfortable.  You need help.  

 For first time parents, and those need a little help integrating a baby into a house with kids,sometimes it is better to bring a third party into your home to help out rather then have one of your mom's come in.  I know family loves to help, and they can be great help, but often you need to have your wishes respected while still getting expert advice and valuable help.  And, here is the tough part, you are establishing boundaries that a few families out there may need help with.  If grandma comes to help, mom may decide that your newborn gets formula A, and should cry themselves to sleep, and whatever else it is that mom may believe in that most new parents usually get to make the decision about.  Now non of those things are life threatening so may seem innocuous in the whole scheme of things but what some grandparents may take it as is the ability to continue to make decisions and have an input  on without being asked.  Once alpha dog is established it is often hard to break the habit without feelings being hurt.

By bringing a third party in you are getting the help that you need but they take their baggage with them when they leave.  There isn't the possibility of you being questioned each time you make a decision, try something new, or junior is fussy as a precedence for looking to someone else has not been established except with that person that was sent home after you got your routine down.

You can call someone in to spend the week at your house, not to take care of the baby but to impart tips, techniques and knowledge while you do the care giving.  This is an option for some parents depending on the personality and capability of the grandparents involved.  New parents have enough going on so doing what works best for them should be priority.  So they can enjoy that beautiful baby and become a family about what works best for them.

Drop me a line if I can help.  You never have to see me again. ;)

Learn to Shop.

Shopping in the bay area is a blast.  We have a wide variety of stores in numerous different areas.  I found a Kate Spade, Candy Cane Jillian Dress at Nordtroms Rack at Westgate Mall  for 70% off and when they didn't have my size they called the Palo Alto store and had them set it aside for me.  LOTS of opportunity it out there. Preparation is key.  Go through your closet and throw out (give away) what you don't wear, what you don't love wearing, and those items when you where them you just don't feel good in.  then see what you need.  Do you need long sleeve casual shirts?  Dress pants?  Work dresses?  Write everything down, be specific about color and style understanding that you won't get it all and you can adjust as you find things.

When shopping have this list in your hand as it will keep you focused.  Now saying that, it is part of the hunt that you will buy things not on that list JUST BECAUSE you love it and it is a steal.  This is part of the deal.  The really fun part.

It may take a bit of time but when you get the finds it is well worth it.  I have included an idea of what can be done with a bit of effort.

Need help?  Give me a call or follow me on twitter @lifebeinglived where I post some of these same deals.

Was $148 now $59.97

Add a pair of Michael Kors sunglasses from Loehman's for $39.19 that normally would be $205




pair with shorts from H&M for $24.95







Atop from Macy's on sale from $59.50 now $43.99




Add shoes from DSW for $69.95 regularly $110.00




And then add this hat from J.Crew on sale for $29.50 from $39.50

 The total comes to $267.55 where if we didn't get it at the deals we did would have been $584.95 for a savings of $317.40!  Now that is shopping I love!

 Or try this dress that was $250.00 now for only $99.99 at J. Crew

 

Another dress that can be worn with all of the above accessories can be found at Forever 21 for $32.80



Another possibility  was $68.00 on sale $24.97 and the shoes from Target at $24.99

Anyone else ever feel this way?

I haven't been on my blog in forever.  Chaos has been too much of a constant over the past 4 months.  The proverbial not knowing what project to start with when your desk is a mess.  My internal desk was a mess.  I have been making attempts to clean up the clutter. 

The first clean up.  I was working in a job that was a terrible fit.  It was with a great organization but the job and the department were not a great fit for me and my internal culture.  That is what started the chaos.  Then, the non profit ran into some financial difficulty and we had budget cuts.  Deep budget cuts.  20+ people were laid off.  2 Directors.  Tough stuff. Ok.  fine, I didn't have a job but here was an opportunity to find a job that was a great fit.  The problem was I wasn't really sure what that was. Remember, I was a mom.  A full time mom.  Other moms said I was a great mom and came to me for advice.  I even won a Mother of the Year contest.  This was a job I was not able to go back to.  Talk about being laid off! Was I still on that old story?   Then the chaos really kicked in.  What the Hell!  I am 50 years old, why wouldn't I know what I wanted to do?  Writing has always been my kickstand that helps prop me up and I wasn't able to get my thoughts on paper, I couldn't even form sentences to describe what was so chaotic.  How do I explain when I don't understand?  I know what my interests are. I know what my experiences makes me capable of.  I even know what I excel at.  Why couldn't I piece this puzzle together and create the picture on the box.  This made me even more unhappy.

Then I started to breathe.  I took one day at a time.  Every day I did three things, I did one thing I loved, one thing that was good for me, and thought of one thing that my life was blessed with and kept that in mind all day. And I started to work a part time job that I loved.  And it involved writing, but not about me, or my life.....and it worked.  After this I think my focus will be on writing about what I know, not how I feel and what I think about events.  I need to clear up the desk a bit more.  Wish me luck.

Pinterest - To Pin or Not to Pin

Pinterest - My new time suck.......like I need one.  Love it.  For those not on, it is basically an online magazine where you can input your interests and then 'pins' come up with those interests- recipes, home design, fashion and shopping, etc. You can then post, pin, items that you would like to save on to your boards so you can save and refer back to.  It really is all your favorite magazines rolled into one, without the ads.  It is a great tool for someone getting married, remodeling a kitchen, wanting to change hairstyles, etc.  You can create a board, let's say 'brides maids' and then when you see an image of colors, or dresses or flowers you pin it on this particular board and then can refer back to the board and your wedding planner can refer to the board so he/she can have an idea of what your style/theme/thoughts are.  Another example of how you can use your board, and how you can share with others- remodeling a room.  A construction company or Remodeling Company can access the boards of their clients who are on Pinterest and looks at what they have posted and then can create a design and layout based on running themes/color schemes/design styles that their client has posted.  The list goes on and on as to how you can use Pinterest.   

But .... as with anything, there are more then a few things that could be tweaked a bit.

Tweak #1- Copyright issues.  People can pin, but only if allowed by the website, right on to Pinterest.  When you click on the pin it will take you to the website.  Awesome way to get additional traffic, who wouldn't allow pinners to pin?  The other way people pin is by copying and pasting.  Now that is the issue.  If someone then clicks on the pin the original source will not be sited.  Huge potential for copyright issues.

Tweak #2 - You have no control over who follows you, or stopping comments on a pin you have commented on, or comments on your posts.  Again, not too much of a problem but when you have the masses who follow Pinterest, problems will come up.  For example, from personal experience.  A woman by the name of Ashley posted something entertaining, but snarky, about Karma.  I agreed with her comment but also added another comment with a different view point.  Another member, Jon, said that he completely disagreed with Karma and wishing bad luck on others.  Both, Jon and I got a tongue lashing from Ashley saying that if we didn't love her comment we shouldn't have commented on her post.  She got rather nasty with Jon, and he then reciprocated, and everyone who had commented had to be included on this rather nasty exchange, with a few others joining in.  I am sure no one enjoyed this.  Then to top things off, Ashely deleted several of her comments and all of her nasty comments so now it looks like Jon was a complete jerk whose comments were completely out of line.   Other then reporting them I could not remove myself from this list once I had commented.  Now, I rarely comment.  I would love to be taken off Ashley's thread.

Tweak #3 - Related to Tweak #2.  So many people on Pinterest are so sensitive.  Why post if you are so fragile?   It is a Social Networking Site with thousands of members!  Not everyone is going to agree with you.  Again, referring back to #2 - Ashley's pin was a wood painting "Karma, I have a list of people you missed" 


My post on her pin was "I believe in Karma but I also believe that those that are mean and nasty to those around them don't need bad Karma as they already have something nasty going on in their lives and that is why they try to pass it on. Maybe wish them peace and happiness?"  To this Ashley told me to stay off her wall and not to comment if I disgreed with her pins.   Nice.    I think maybe if you are so irritated about what others think about what you believe in/pin,  Pinterest is not for you.  Ashley is not the only one who bites back when someone says mild things like 'this is inaccurate', 'I don't agree with this'.  As long as someone isn't nasty then what is the problem?  This is a Social Networking Site not your private journal.


Tweak #4.  When you join you are automatically given others to follow to start you off.  Great idea but it seems to me that those that are given to you are popular within the Pinterest community but may not be someone that you would follow based on your interests, area, etc.  Maybe a bit more having to do with why you are on and not just who may be followed by many.  I would even rather have a random selection as those who are followed by many will continue to get others selected to follow them as they continue to have their numbers increased by Pinterest and not necessarily by their ability to attract followers based on interests.  Follow me?

I am sure the staff at Pinterest are continuing to improve, especially as the numbers of followers has exploded in recent months.  At this point the benefits of Pinterest greatly outweigh my frustrations so I will continue to keep on pinning..... but only on my own wall!