A friend of my son's was afraid to tell his parents he was gay. He was afraid of how they would react. I told him they would react - and probably not how he wanted them to. But it would be ok. It would be better than ok. I told him a story.
When I was pregnant with my third child I was told I was carrying a girl. I had two adorable boys at home but after having lost several babies I was thrilled with boy or girl. As the weeks progressed I settled into this idea of having two boys and a girl. I embraced it. With both arms and didn't let go. As any parent does I started picturing my girl, brown curly hair, freckles, big blue eyes. I started thinking about being the mother of the bride. I started dressing her, and dressing her, and dressing her. I was placenta previa so had several ultrasounds, each time them letting me know my little girl was doing well. The technician even caught her caption of "Baby Girl Greer" on an ultrasound tape that I took home to share with my 2 little guys and husband. I had a pink shower with pink cake, again welcoming 'Baby Girl Greer', with gifts of adorable hair ribbons and tiny mary janes, and wonderful good wishes for my family and new baby girl.
Two weeks before I was due I went to another ultrasound to hear the good news that the baby had moved and so did the placenta and that I could now deliver my baby boy just fine. Awesome..............wait, you mean baby girl. "no, I mean baby boy" "no, it's a girl" "no, it's a boy" I sat in there and argued with the technician about the sex of my baby. She informed me that my baby girl had a penis........ so..... not really a baby girl.
I was in shock. I cried. I went home and climbed into bed. I was thrilled to be having a healthy baby boy. I was thrilled to be having a healthy baby. I just had to mourn the loss of my daughter. I had to put to rest the entire thought process that had occurred over the last 5 months, if you will, dreams of what may family was to have become. My two boys and a girl..........my two boys and a girl. Was I disappointed in what the new family had become? Not at all. It was just a different dream and not the dream that I had been having. I was so happy I found out prior to the delivery room as I would not have wanted to have to had one fleeting moment of disappointment while holding a gorgeous, healthy baby boy.
I love my family. I love all my sons' and not for one moment, one second, have I mourned or been disappointed in him not being who he is. He is a wonderful, upstanding, joy of a son to have. I am the mother of 3 sons. My three sons. Brings proud tears of joy as I type.
I told this young man that there will be a reaction. If he had talked about being an architect his whole life and then he went to his parents and told him he was enrolling in college under a nuclear engineering program they would be shocked. They would want to have a discussion. Not because one is better then the other. Just different. They would want to understand the thought process. They would be happy when you told them it was what would make you happy. That this was a part of what your dream was about and the dream you all had been having was just a different dream for your future.
Let your parents react. Give your parents time. They have had a thought process, dreams if you will, of your adult life that have probably included a wife, kids, what many consider 'normal'. Tell them. Let them work it through. Let the dream they have been having become the new dream that include you as a gay man. The wonderful, intelligent, engaging gay man that I have come to know.
Reactions are just the beginning of understanding. The understanding part is what makes it all worthwhile.
