Sunday, March 28, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
My grandfather has Alzheimer's. There are many terrible things about that but I find it particularly disheartening because my grandfather had such a deep interest and concern regarding his reputation and being a stand up kind of person. My grandfather is a good man. As decent as they come. He felt a deep obligation in passing on the family name, shiny and untarnished, to the next generation. Many times he told all of us grand kids how important it was to be able to look back on your life and be proud of the things you did and the person you were. If only he remembered what a wonderful person he was. He may not, but we certainly do.
My grandmother and grandfather share almost 70 years of marriage. This means his wedding, wedding night, births of 3 children, births of 10 grand kids, and over 15 great grandchildren, numerous holidays, graduations, family get together s and all those wonderful memories that make 70 years of marriage such a loving experience....... lost. Grandma has this rich history she shares with him. He is not able to share this history with her. Their golden years were meant to be spent sitting in rockers and being able to say "remember when...." on a daily basis. Now my grandmother shares her rocker moments with a stranger, as far as a shared past goes, who reads the paper at least 3 times a day.
Grandpa was a war hero. He has two bronze stars and a purple heart. He saved the lives of several of the men that were in his command. He unfortunately was one of the first who freed those in concentration camps and in recounting his war experiences and some of the wretched things he had to witness was brought to tears in front of my father and brothers saying he "will never forget the things he saw" Well, what a wonderful, and terrible thing, that he finally has.
My grandfather is kind to his soul. It is of comfort to me that the thoughts that run through his head over and over now are loving, kind, and show the great love he has for my grandmother. My grandmother is mortified, and therefore does not want to go out as often as she did, when my grandfather, when spending an afternoon with friends, will proclaim to them, over and over...... and over and over - "doesn't she look beautiful in that blouse?" "She is so pretty in that color, don't you think?" The next time he says it it is as if he just noticed how she looked and was in awe all over again. I love it as it gives us all hope that love does survive all and can last through 70 years. And more importantly last through Alzheimers.
Grandfather was a health nut before being a health nut was popular. He grew his own vegetables and insisted that you eat at least one at each meal. He had a salad, loaded with nuts and fresh veggies before all meals, watched his sweet and fat intake, and he exercised daily. For being 92 years old he is pretty healthy. He took good care of himself so that he could live a long life and enjoy his family for as long as possible as we, his immediate and extended family, were so important to him. His body is still here for us but he doesn't know who we are. We think he knows that we are loved ones as he does get excited and gives big hugs and kisses and greets us all with 'honey' 'sweetie' and 'beautiful', again, a testimony to the loving kind man he is. He is really good at acting as if he knows you, with one instance of mine being the exception. One day while I was there visiting grandma and grandpa with my mom, their daughter, he greeted me at the door in his usual way with a big 'hi honey' but after a few moments you could see some confusion. He looked from my grandmother, to me, back to my grandmother,several times and then finally said to me 'who ARE you?' As I am always told how much I look like my grandmother I am just guessing that really confused him as the memories he does occasionally get back are the older ones and not recent. I am pretty sure he didn't quite get how the two, the memory and the current, could be sitting there together.
The saddest times, especially for my mom, involve those times when he is more coherent, even for a moment. At these times he apologizes for everything they are going through and for what he is putting them through. He tells her after a few minutes into their visit, 'Thanks for coming to spend time with me, you should go now, spend time with that family of yours before it is too late. I love you and know you love me' Again, a testament to who he is.
Growing up I remember so much about who is is. He was the grandfather who invited you into the bathroom with him as he painstankinly washed up, paying close attention to his nails, after work just to ask you how your day was. And then listened to what you said. He was the grandfather who pulled up to your house in the middle of a summer day and proclaiming over the PA of his truck " this is the police, come out with your hands up" to the delight of his grandkids who would come running. This was the grandfather who took us to the circus every year. This was he man who the church could count on to keep a 'should have been replaced years ago' furnice running without ever presenting a bill. This was the man who I remember pulling over in his car and running out to the median to give a man his lunch or pull a stray dog to safety.
Grandpa may not have memories of who he is but it radiates from him. The memories transcend his mind and are an intrinsic part of his flesh. He is is action and thoughts even without his memory of them. His actions transcend into our memories. He will be giving us his name, not only shiny and untarnished, but having made brighter, shinier, bolder.
I am so proud to have him as my grandfather
My grandmother and grandfather share almost 70 years of marriage. This means his wedding, wedding night, births of 3 children, births of 10 grand kids, and over 15 great grandchildren, numerous holidays, graduations, family get together s and all those wonderful memories that make 70 years of marriage such a loving experience....... lost. Grandma has this rich history she shares with him. He is not able to share this history with her. Their golden years were meant to be spent sitting in rockers and being able to say "remember when...." on a daily basis. Now my grandmother shares her rocker moments with a stranger, as far as a shared past goes, who reads the paper at least 3 times a day.
Grandpa was a war hero. He has two bronze stars and a purple heart. He saved the lives of several of the men that were in his command. He unfortunately was one of the first who freed those in concentration camps and in recounting his war experiences and some of the wretched things he had to witness was brought to tears in front of my father and brothers saying he "will never forget the things he saw" Well, what a wonderful, and terrible thing, that he finally has.
My grandfather is kind to his soul. It is of comfort to me that the thoughts that run through his head over and over now are loving, kind, and show the great love he has for my grandmother. My grandmother is mortified, and therefore does not want to go out as often as she did, when my grandfather, when spending an afternoon with friends, will proclaim to them, over and over...... and over and over - "doesn't she look beautiful in that blouse?" "She is so pretty in that color, don't you think?" The next time he says it it is as if he just noticed how she looked and was in awe all over again. I love it as it gives us all hope that love does survive all and can last through 70 years. And more importantly last through Alzheimers.
Grandfather was a health nut before being a health nut was popular. He grew his own vegetables and insisted that you eat at least one at each meal. He had a salad, loaded with nuts and fresh veggies before all meals, watched his sweet and fat intake, and he exercised daily. For being 92 years old he is pretty healthy. He took good care of himself so that he could live a long life and enjoy his family for as long as possible as we, his immediate and extended family, were so important to him. His body is still here for us but he doesn't know who we are. We think he knows that we are loved ones as he does get excited and gives big hugs and kisses and greets us all with 'honey' 'sweetie' and 'beautiful', again, a testimony to the loving kind man he is. He is really good at acting as if he knows you, with one instance of mine being the exception. One day while I was there visiting grandma and grandpa with my mom, their daughter, he greeted me at the door in his usual way with a big 'hi honey' but after a few moments you could see some confusion. He looked from my grandmother, to me, back to my grandmother,several times and then finally said to me 'who ARE you?' As I am always told how much I look like my grandmother I am just guessing that really confused him as the memories he does occasionally get back are the older ones and not recent. I am pretty sure he didn't quite get how the two, the memory and the current, could be sitting there together.
The saddest times, especially for my mom, involve those times when he is more coherent, even for a moment. At these times he apologizes for everything they are going through and for what he is putting them through. He tells her after a few minutes into their visit, 'Thanks for coming to spend time with me, you should go now, spend time with that family of yours before it is too late. I love you and know you love me' Again, a testament to who he is.
Growing up I remember so much about who is is. He was the grandfather who invited you into the bathroom with him as he painstankinly washed up, paying close attention to his nails, after work just to ask you how your day was. And then listened to what you said. He was the grandfather who pulled up to your house in the middle of a summer day and proclaiming over the PA of his truck " this is the police, come out with your hands up" to the delight of his grandkids who would come running. This was the grandfather who took us to the circus every year. This was he man who the church could count on to keep a 'should have been replaced years ago' furnice running without ever presenting a bill. This was the man who I remember pulling over in his car and running out to the median to give a man his lunch or pull a stray dog to safety.
Grandpa may not have memories of who he is but it radiates from him. The memories transcend his mind and are an intrinsic part of his flesh. He is is action and thoughts even without his memory of them. His actions transcend into our memories. He will be giving us his name, not only shiny and untarnished, but having made brighter, shinier, bolder.
I am so proud to have him as my grandfather
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Is it possible everyone should be required to go back to kindergarten at different points in their lives? Maybe someone might need a reminder on the importance of sharing. Another might need to learn how important saying please and thank you is. Someone else might just benefit from knowing that it is ok to lay in the grass and decide what animal each cloud is hoping to be or watching that ant struggle over each piece of grass with a small crumb. Crying when you are hurt or belly laughing with a good friend is to be expected in kindergarten so why not now? Cuddling, skipping, blowing bubbles, fingerpainting, loving the most infamous bright yellow weed are all activities I would like to go back to and think many would benefit from. Yes, just like the book everything you need to know you learned in kindergarten but it goes further in that we all know this, we just need the refresher course. Are you as kind as you were in kindergarten? Are you as happy, as open to new ideas,do you respect and listen to your elders, do you clap enough, do you talk to those who are important to you, even if they are stuffed? Do you wake up with a smile knowing the day is new and bright and hopefull or do you look at it remembering the day before when someone was made at you or mean to you or didn't share. Kids have it right. Do you ever hear a 5 year old say "I can't wait for the weekend?" Nope. Each day is what it is and to be enjoyed with whatever they have in them to enjoy it.
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