Alzheimers, and why Grandpa got kicked out of the care facility.

Grandpa got kicked out of his care facility. 

It has been a while since I have been on.  I have a list of things I would like to write about but the thing that keeps coming to mind is my Grandpa.  For those of you who don't know my Grandmother passed away a few months ago, her birthday in June would have been her 90th.  She was my grandfather's main caretaker, they lived in a senior center but as he had Alzheimer's she was the one who dealt with his daily issues.  The 'plan' was that when grandpa got bad she would be in a place that would offer her additional help until grandpa passed away.  Well, as we all know, we make plans and God laughs. 

Gramps has had a really tough time since.  About a month of telling him every single day, some days several times a day, that Grandma had died.  Terrible watching him grieve each time.  That finally passed. Then he went through a period where he kept packing up his belongings ready to go 'home'  Now he makes comments that he is 'missing someone'.  He is so kind, tells everyone how wonderful it is to have his loved ones around but that someone is missing.

 Grandpa was recently kicked out of the nursing home.  We are very lucky that he is not a 'typical' Alzheimer's sufferer as he is very kind, talks about how great it is he has his health, and hugs and kisses everyone he thinks he knows. He was kicked out because he goes into other seniors rooms and won't leave.  He insists that he lives there and he knows them  He is very nice about it and was very well liked but he is still coming in and not leaving .  I don't blame many of the others living there who it causes a concern for.  They don't have Alzheimer's, they know they don't know him.

My uncles found a new 'home' for Grandpa. He was interviewed and found to be a good fit, it was very hopeful in that those who dealt with those in this unit say that his behavior is 'normal'.  Good.  Nice to hear normal for a change.  It is a unit with only those who have Alzheimer's, and staffed by those who have experience with Alzheimer's  My broher and sister recently visited and during their visit another resident came in and sat next to grandpa and joined their visit.  Gramps patted her on the leg and just continued on. A few minutes passed and the staff came in and asked if my brother and sister wanted them to escort 'Mildred' out. Grandpa seemed fine so they said no.  Funny thing was Mildred looked a bit like Grandma.  All that mattered was that Grandpa was comfortable, and he was.  Maybe he just needs someone to sit with in the evenings.  He may not remember outright but somewhere deep down he knows he sat with someone every night for 66 years. 

In his own way Grandpa is trying to fit in.  Most of the residents there have and need canes to get about.  Grandpa has never used a cane nor needed one but on my uncles last visit he kept asking where his cane was.  My uncle is getting him a cane. If that helps Gramps feel a part of the group then get him two.

Grandpa has a huge family that loves him and thinks that he has been the epitome of a role model.  Grandpa was a hardworking small business owner who took his two sons into the business.  Grandpa was a stand up guy who was the first to give someone the shirt off his back. Grandpa was not afraid to teach his kids and grandkids even if that meant that didn't like him for a while.  Grandpa went to church every Sunday and did so because he wanted to be there, not because it was Sunday. Grandpa loved and was loved back  My grandmother was always right there with him in all that they chose for his life.  He may not remember a particular birthday party, or a graduation, or his granddaughters name, me, but the important things are ingrained in him and make him a lovely person, even as he visits rooms of those who don't want him to visit.

Interviewing and your mental health.

My current contract is almost over and this whole interviewing process, of which I teach people how to do, is really getting to me.  As I have done two fairly short term contracts over the past 18 months it feels like I am constantly interviewing or assessing my interviewing.  This is not good for your ego.  Either you get inflated when the position is something you are sure you can do or you feel inadequate when you are applying but it is a reach.  in either case you are always assessing, evaluating, questioning what you are doing too much of the time.  I don't want to constantly be asking myself: did I talk too much, was my handshake firm, was I overdressed, was my breath fresh?  Hell, that is my mother in law's job......and my teenagers.  There is introspection and then there is privately flogging yourself.  I am usually pretty confident and comfortable with who I am with a healthy amount of 'oh, why did I say/do/think/ that' but this process really comes with a more then fair amount of the 'why's privately inflicted.

My job is pretty public and I can stand up and talk about a program, give a presentation on marketing yourself, be a panel member to 200+ people.  With knowledge, with confidence, with presence.  WHERE DID THIS PERSON GO?  All it takes for me to question that is a simple statement ' It was down to two candidates, was extremely close, and we have decided to move forward with the other one.'  Why?  Did I have a bat in the bat cave?

Did I say I do this for a living?  Doctor, heal thyself.  How many times have I advised, 'Do your best and don't worry about the rest' or 'Fake it until you make it' or 'You are your biggest critic, I am sure you did fine'.  Where is my cheerleader?  Why can't I do that Hoo Rah for myself more often?  Oh but I do, but when I do then I berate myself for being too confident, narcissistic and cocky. 

Oh gray area where are you?