My ipod is speaking to me. Like a dummy I plugged it in 'just to make sure' before my run this morning and 60 minutes later I am still looking at the flashing circle with the line through it (international 'don't' symbol) and losing my gumption to run. The first 30 minutes I looked at it, pissed at myself and then at it, and now I am beginning to see a more cosmic message involved. Is this speaking to me? Should I really be paying attention?
I have been in a funk lately. Hormones, lack of sun (yes I am solar powered) and life being overwhelming have all added to this. But now, looking at my ipod, I am wondering if the real funk has more to do with the lack of contact with my friends over the last couple of weeks. I am also friendship powered. Over the past three weeks I have had a big event I put on, and all that comes with leading up to it as well as the event and follow up after. I have had a few things going on with the kids. I have had an addition to some of my duties at work. And I am putting more time in on my job search as my contract is over in September. Wait, where is the friend piece? Have I become disconnected? My friends reinforce all that I believe I am to be. If they don't laugh am I really funny? If they don't agree with me that that person at work is a real tool then how am I to know that I am not the tool? If they aren't 'tsking' and commiserating with me when I can't believe one of my sons 'did this' or 'said that' then how do I know I am still in good mom standing? Yes, I do know all these things, and no, I do not NEED anyone to tell me that BUT and I do mean 'but' and not 'however', I value what my friends say, who they are, and any input they have. The reason I have chosen my 'fab five' is because I do value the women, mothers, wives, daughters, sisters and people they are. I love the ability to bounce things off them, even when they do say, 'Wow, Laurie, maybe you should have...'
Friendships are never hard work. Sometimes you need to make time for them and sometimes you need to think about what your friend really needs even when they aren't asking. So maybe thoughtful work, but never hard work. And you need to make sure you reach out.
Yes, my ipod is still flashing. And I believe I know the message it is sending me today.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Childhood in Iowa
I grew up in a Midwestern family that lived by the golden rule. Don't go to your mom and dad unless you were hemorrhaging or a limb was dangling from your small body. Not that my parents were mean or didn't care about us but it seemed it was a rule with all the families at the time. Feelings discussed- are you kidding? You didn't dare talk about a good grade or something special that happened - you were bragging and you did NOT discuss a bad grade or getting in trouble in school because in those days it was your fault, not the teachers, and there were consequences. Dinner time conversations only consisted of brother or sister wingmen distracting a parent long enough for someone to spit their mouthful of liver into their plastic cup of milk. the children in the house were always responsible for clearing the dishes and I was always surprised my parents didn't figure out why we so enthusiastically cleared the table on liver nights. Perhaps all that protein was immediately evident in our quicken step and enthusiastic trash emptying.
Numerous car rides consisted of my parents being so engrossed with 'adult' conversation that they were completely and utterly shocked when we would get to our location and non of us would be wearing shoes. Several car rides consisted of throwing shoes out the window and watching them bounce and the cars behind us swerve as they tried to figure out what was bouncing around towards them. We always started with the babies shoes and if a few minutes went by without my father proclaiming that he could still drive and hit us at the same time we would work our way up in the ranks. Those that couldn't talk couldn't squeal. The first time my parents just thought we all got in the car barefoot but the second time there was hell to pay but they still didn't witness the act. We lost a few dolls this way as well and although we were what you would have considered poor it was well worth the loss of a doll to see the head pop off and hit the grill of the poor car, as well as surprised occupants, behind us. Now in case you should think that we had the cleverness or naughtiness to think up this on our own, don't give us that much credit. Remember, processed sugar was a food group in the 60's and 70's, not many nutrients and therefor brain power in Lucky Charms, sugar and butter sandwiches, jello with coconut and celery, and every hostess product on earth as my mom got great deals at the day old bread store. No, our neighbors were to thank for the special idea of highway shoes. We loved to ride in their car as there was a hole in the floor of the backseat. As the months went by the hole got bigger and bigger and again, as adult conversations went on in the front seat, the kids, as long as we didn't laugh out loud, had free reign in the back seat. We dropped pennies down the hole, kept watch for road kill from the hole and eventually,as it always goes with kids, 'stupid' took over and someone was dared to stick their foot down and touch the ground. Of course it had to be a 'big' kid but not so big that the brain had developed too much. Ben, one of the car owners kids was finally cajolled into this daring, but stupid, act. He must have been about 7. Carefully and slowly he lowered his foot down, barely touched his toe to pavement only to have his foot shoot back up slam on the edge of the hole and his shoe to pop off and back down and on the road. At least neighbor dad was aware enough to hear the bouncing on the bottom of the car as the shoe ricocheted from road to undercarriage and then shoot out the back. We got a firm, 'You kids knock it off back there' Ben was just smart enough to take off his other shoe and arrive barefoot at our location. We really didn't need shoes until there was snow anyway. I think that is the real reason seat belts were invented, not a safety issue as far as a car accident goes but more so a safety practice of being able to tie the kids up in the back and therefore reduce the ability to cause trouble.
My husband and I, he a Midwesterner as well, bucked the system and used car time as talking to the kids time. After all, we had captive audiences, they were strapped in by seat belts. Thank goodness our kids were born in the late 80's, early 90's as we actually had a full decade plus of talking in the car until hand held games and cell phones came into play. Just when you get full of yourself for what you consider improved parenting kids still figure out a way to get involved in shenanigans.
Numerous car rides consisted of my parents being so engrossed with 'adult' conversation that they were completely and utterly shocked when we would get to our location and non of us would be wearing shoes. Several car rides consisted of throwing shoes out the window and watching them bounce and the cars behind us swerve as they tried to figure out what was bouncing around towards them. We always started with the babies shoes and if a few minutes went by without my father proclaiming that he could still drive and hit us at the same time we would work our way up in the ranks. Those that couldn't talk couldn't squeal. The first time my parents just thought we all got in the car barefoot but the second time there was hell to pay but they still didn't witness the act. We lost a few dolls this way as well and although we were what you would have considered poor it was well worth the loss of a doll to see the head pop off and hit the grill of the poor car, as well as surprised occupants, behind us. Now in case you should think that we had the cleverness or naughtiness to think up this on our own, don't give us that much credit. Remember, processed sugar was a food group in the 60's and 70's, not many nutrients and therefor brain power in Lucky Charms, sugar and butter sandwiches, jello with coconut and celery, and every hostess product on earth as my mom got great deals at the day old bread store. No, our neighbors were to thank for the special idea of highway shoes. We loved to ride in their car as there was a hole in the floor of the backseat. As the months went by the hole got bigger and bigger and again, as adult conversations went on in the front seat, the kids, as long as we didn't laugh out loud, had free reign in the back seat. We dropped pennies down the hole, kept watch for road kill from the hole and eventually,as it always goes with kids, 'stupid' took over and someone was dared to stick their foot down and touch the ground. Of course it had to be a 'big' kid but not so big that the brain had developed too much. Ben, one of the car owners kids was finally cajolled into this daring, but stupid, act. He must have been about 7. Carefully and slowly he lowered his foot down, barely touched his toe to pavement only to have his foot shoot back up slam on the edge of the hole and his shoe to pop off and back down and on the road. At least neighbor dad was aware enough to hear the bouncing on the bottom of the car as the shoe ricocheted from road to undercarriage and then shoot out the back. We got a firm, 'You kids knock it off back there' Ben was just smart enough to take off his other shoe and arrive barefoot at our location. We really didn't need shoes until there was snow anyway. I think that is the real reason seat belts were invented, not a safety issue as far as a car accident goes but more so a safety practice of being able to tie the kids up in the back and therefore reduce the ability to cause trouble.
My husband and I, he a Midwesterner as well, bucked the system and used car time as talking to the kids time. After all, we had captive audiences, they were strapped in by seat belts. Thank goodness our kids were born in the late 80's, early 90's as we actually had a full decade plus of talking in the car until hand held games and cell phones came into play. Just when you get full of yourself for what you consider improved parenting kids still figure out a way to get involved in shenanigans.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Employment and How to Get a Job
As an employment Counselor for the County, a former Placement Specialist for the disabled, a former HR Manager and director of Job Placement at a large training center I can give you some hints as to how to be employable. You won't wont to hear about them but they are 100 percent true. You can and will get a job if you are #1 in your field, have special training that is needed, and/or have special skills. If you arne't in that catagory it is still possible, and actually likely to be employed if you follow a few tips.
First of all, look at the job market as a popularity contest. Everyone wants to be considered as a winner and one way to do so is to associate yourself with winners and employers want to do that as well. Not only is this a personal thing but also a corporate thing. No one wants to be represented by someone who doesn't care enough to present themselves well. Sorry, I know you don't like hearing that but it is reality. Pretty people have it easier in life. You want to come as close to being a pretty person as you possibly can. If you can't be thin and athletic then come the closest to it as you can. Be physically fit, carry yourself like an athlete, loose weight. Be as attractive as you can. Bath daily, don't just comb your hair but have a style for it, wear clean, well pressed clothes, shave, brush your teeth, wear makeup. You don't have to be a 10 but you do need to present an attractive package.
You don't like hearing this? This is discriminatory? People shouldn't judge others by their outer beauty? Your right, does that mean it doesn't happen? We all know it does. Hot women and hot men TYPICALLY look for hot men and women as well. So why wouldn't a hot - if you will- a 10- company not want someone that they consider a 10 - or close to it? Ok, so the company you are applying to is not a 10 - they still think they are, or want to be. Do what you can to sell yourself. Everyone talks about your resume, your cover letter, your elevator interview, your interview. You are so concerned with all that, as you should be, but then you drop the ball at the free throw line.
Do you know that studies show that the first impression is made in 5 seconds? That is all about how you look- nothing else- as in the first 5 seconds that you walk around that corner, or up the hall- you havn't even had time to extend your hand let alone say hello. When you are at the mall you glance at items as you walk by, too colorful, not long enough, don't like the material- all this happens in seconds- then, 'wow, that is nice' and you pick it up and take a longer look at it. You want them to 'pick you up' in a sense and look at you. Yes, you can change their minds by a great interview, or strong recomendations,etc. but do you want to need to? Don't you want to just build on the momentum?
If you don't believe me then try it one time. Loose 10 lbs, get a hair style, buy that nice suit that really fits you well, stand up straighter and walk with authority, use a breath mint/deodorant/light fragrance and just see what happens. You may not get that job but you will notice a better reception. People want to hire someone that they can relate to and everyone wants to relate to someone they find attractive or they consider a winner.
Pretend to be that winner and you may just turn into one. Fake it until you make it.
First of all, look at the job market as a popularity contest. Everyone wants to be considered as a winner and one way to do so is to associate yourself with winners and employers want to do that as well. Not only is this a personal thing but also a corporate thing. No one wants to be represented by someone who doesn't care enough to present themselves well. Sorry, I know you don't like hearing that but it is reality. Pretty people have it easier in life. You want to come as close to being a pretty person as you possibly can. If you can't be thin and athletic then come the closest to it as you can. Be physically fit, carry yourself like an athlete, loose weight. Be as attractive as you can. Bath daily, don't just comb your hair but have a style for it, wear clean, well pressed clothes, shave, brush your teeth, wear makeup. You don't have to be a 10 but you do need to present an attractive package.
You don't like hearing this? This is discriminatory? People shouldn't judge others by their outer beauty? Your right, does that mean it doesn't happen? We all know it does. Hot women and hot men TYPICALLY look for hot men and women as well. So why wouldn't a hot - if you will- a 10- company not want someone that they consider a 10 - or close to it? Ok, so the company you are applying to is not a 10 - they still think they are, or want to be. Do what you can to sell yourself. Everyone talks about your resume, your cover letter, your elevator interview, your interview. You are so concerned with all that, as you should be, but then you drop the ball at the free throw line.
Do you know that studies show that the first impression is made in 5 seconds? That is all about how you look- nothing else- as in the first 5 seconds that you walk around that corner, or up the hall- you havn't even had time to extend your hand let alone say hello. When you are at the mall you glance at items as you walk by, too colorful, not long enough, don't like the material- all this happens in seconds- then, 'wow, that is nice' and you pick it up and take a longer look at it. You want them to 'pick you up' in a sense and look at you. Yes, you can change their minds by a great interview, or strong recomendations,etc. but do you want to need to? Don't you want to just build on the momentum?
If you don't believe me then try it one time. Loose 10 lbs, get a hair style, buy that nice suit that really fits you well, stand up straighter and walk with authority, use a breath mint/deodorant/light fragrance and just see what happens. You may not get that job but you will notice a better reception. People want to hire someone that they can relate to and everyone wants to relate to someone they find attractive or they consider a winner.
Pretend to be that winner and you may just turn into one. Fake it until you make it.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Easter Fashions or the Lack there of
One of the most important traditions of Easter while growing up in the Baker house in Des Moines, Iowa involved fashion and mostly bad fashion. While there are some adorable pictures that, thank God, we have encapsulated in time and proven happened through photo's of adorable children in patent leather, bonnets, poofy pastel dresses and little sailor suits there are many more involving top stitching, baby blue polyester and peasant dresses featuring see through fabric that slips only masked the day of the week advertised on the hip hugger panties but still allowed you to see that you had day of the week panties.
My favorite photo of the past is one in which I am maybe 4 years old and is a posed family photo in our dining room with my Mom and Dad in their Easter finery, my Dad in a dark 60's elegant business looking suit with dark hair slicked back looking rather movie ish in a Fred Astaire kind of way. My mom, even though visibly pregnant, looks stylish and June Cleaverish in her Easter dress and wide brimmed bonnet sitting at an angle atop her coiffed hair. We looked clean cut, elegant, and well off although for a fact we were not. In all actuality most of out clothes were probably purchased at discount stores but with much care. I am sure my mom is all of 24 maybe 25 and had the three of us already with one on the way.
My brother had on miniature business suites with little man shirts and ties. Had those suites grown with them they could have marched off ready to go to work after graduation. Little, well dressed men on already on the road, all bight a little road, to success. I was there, right in the middle, my mini me version of my Mom. Same dress, smaller hat, gloves and purse but sporting mary janes instead of the practical pumps. Suri Cruise would be in tears as little girls just did not wear heels.
Have a said we were adorable? Mid to late 60's all our photo's were of a growing, well groomed, seemingly well off family.
Can we move on to the 70's? I would rather not but this is where the story goes, and it is not as bad as it eventually gets. In the 70's we start seeing long stringy hair, and not just on me and my sister but on my brothers. All very androgynous and parted down the middle with only the middle of our faces peeking out. Although the girls are still in dresses we are all very free and flowing and I am surprised we aren't sporting flower wreaths placed upon our heads. Oh, and at least we aren't barefoot.My brothers and Dad are sporting, and I am using that term pretty loosely, pajama type suites and if they are not wearing suites, and in many photo's are not, they have on long, loose peasant type shirts. Not very coiffed, polished or attractive but, unfortunately, very much the style at the time. Maybe trying to relate more to Easter by looking more Jesus like.
The late 70's come in a polyester vengeance. Light blue and tan leisure suites with darker, same color top stitching. All polyester. Pointy collared, large, long, pointy collared shirts in psychedelic prints and colors. Although we are finally styling our hair all my brothers and Dad are channeling the BeeGee's. Cheesy mustaches, blow back hair, platform type shoes, the whole works. Us girls don't fair much better. Again, although we are much better coiffed, the style at the time doesn't allow for good taste. Famalore's, polyester skirts with the bold lined pattern meeting at an angle right in the front. More polyester, large pointy collared shirts with so much polyester all they do is have static cling. Our hair is not just feathered but has a predominant flip as well.
By the 80's I am away at college and my older brother is in the service and the photo's stop capturing our Easter fashion parade. Although a part of me is relieved that this documentation of our lack of good taste has stopped another side of me has really enjoyed how we have adjusted to each era as a family. We definitely have stuck through with each other through thick and thin and even when we have looked bad we have done it together. Now THAT is family.
My favorite photo of the past is one in which I am maybe 4 years old and is a posed family photo in our dining room with my Mom and Dad in their Easter finery, my Dad in a dark 60's elegant business looking suit with dark hair slicked back looking rather movie ish in a Fred Astaire kind of way. My mom, even though visibly pregnant, looks stylish and June Cleaverish in her Easter dress and wide brimmed bonnet sitting at an angle atop her coiffed hair. We looked clean cut, elegant, and well off although for a fact we were not. In all actuality most of out clothes were probably purchased at discount stores but with much care. I am sure my mom is all of 24 maybe 25 and had the three of us already with one on the way.
My brother had on miniature business suites with little man shirts and ties. Had those suites grown with them they could have marched off ready to go to work after graduation. Little, well dressed men on already on the road, all bight a little road, to success. I was there, right in the middle, my mini me version of my Mom. Same dress, smaller hat, gloves and purse but sporting mary janes instead of the practical pumps. Suri Cruise would be in tears as little girls just did not wear heels.
Have a said we were adorable? Mid to late 60's all our photo's were of a growing, well groomed, seemingly well off family.
Can we move on to the 70's? I would rather not but this is where the story goes, and it is not as bad as it eventually gets. In the 70's we start seeing long stringy hair, and not just on me and my sister but on my brothers. All very androgynous and parted down the middle with only the middle of our faces peeking out. Although the girls are still in dresses we are all very free and flowing and I am surprised we aren't sporting flower wreaths placed upon our heads. Oh, and at least we aren't barefoot.My brothers and Dad are sporting, and I am using that term pretty loosely, pajama type suites and if they are not wearing suites, and in many photo's are not, they have on long, loose peasant type shirts. Not very coiffed, polished or attractive but, unfortunately, very much the style at the time. Maybe trying to relate more to Easter by looking more Jesus like.
The late 70's come in a polyester vengeance. Light blue and tan leisure suites with darker, same color top stitching. All polyester. Pointy collared, large, long, pointy collared shirts in psychedelic prints and colors. Although we are finally styling our hair all my brothers and Dad are channeling the BeeGee's. Cheesy mustaches, blow back hair, platform type shoes, the whole works. Us girls don't fair much better. Again, although we are much better coiffed, the style at the time doesn't allow for good taste. Famalore's, polyester skirts with the bold lined pattern meeting at an angle right in the front. More polyester, large pointy collared shirts with so much polyester all they do is have static cling. Our hair is not just feathered but has a predominant flip as well.
By the 80's I am away at college and my older brother is in the service and the photo's stop capturing our Easter fashion parade. Although a part of me is relieved that this documentation of our lack of good taste has stopped another side of me has really enjoyed how we have adjusted to each era as a family. We definitely have stuck through with each other through thick and thin and even when we have looked bad we have done it together. Now THAT is family.
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