I live in a small community, probably a lot like the community many of you are living in. Unfortunately, our small community has had more then a few teens/young adults die by terrible accidents in the past few years. As the mother of 3 young men I am not only saddened but scared to death. One of these young men is the son of a neighbor. We were recently talking and she made the comment that she can't believe how people will come up to her and say the dumbest things. "He was drinking, wasn't he?' (No he wasn't) 'I suppose they were drag racing' ( No they weren't) 'That's what happens when you are out at all hours of the night' (They were leaving her house after having dinner with her and her husband at about 6 pm). My friend, especially in her grief, cannot believe someone would be so judgmental about how a young person had died. My response, in my infinite wisdom as a mother of 3 sons who do stupid things, was that this was not judgement talking but fear. I have done it myself, well at least internally. We are all scared to death that this can, and might, happen to our kids. If the teen who died was drinking, doing drugs, racing, AND had felonies then we can breath a sigh of relief as then our kids will then be safe. Our kid doesn't do those things so we don't have to worry about them. We don't want to admit that accidents will happen because they looked down on the floor for a CD, or that they turned their head for too long to look at a cool car, etc. etc. Because if that is what happened then it could happen to our kid too. We want to rationalize what happened even when there is no rationalization.
I am a good mom, actually a great mom. I have expectations for my sons, rules at my house, consequences for actions, we sit down and discuss their actions and actions of friends and what short and long term consequences are, my sons come to me when they have problems but I am not their friend and not worried about being their friend. My kids are great kids, but still in the process of developing the ability to reason (studies show it isn't fully developed in males until age 25!). Now my husband claims that one of my favorite hobbies is worrying. He says I actually enjoy it as I make up things just so I can worry. I admit I worry. Why wouldn't I worry? Knowing that they are still developing that ability to reason and that bad things can still happen to good people I do say a 'Hail Mary' every time they walk out that door. I can be the best mom ever, have the best kids ever, lecture all I want, put them in the safest cars possible, only allow them to drive between the hours of - and - and I could still get that terrible knock on the door.
Of course we want to rationalize.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Job Offer
I think I have lost my mind. I got a job offer, yes in this economy, and turned it down.!?!? It was a decent job, it wasn't that I didn't like it or felt I couldn't do it. It was a program manager position managing 3 offices and 12 employees. It sounded interesting and I had done each component of the position at some point in my career. I was comfortable I could do a great job. The position was challenging and would add to my job skills and update some areas of my resume that needed updating. Wow, the more I type the crazier I sound. The problem with the position is that they offered me 25% less then I am making right now and there was no room for growth. For a management position with much more responsibility!! When the offer was made I thought it was a starting point for negotiating and started what was a process that was the norm 5 years ago I had the door shut in my face and told that was the highest they could go and they were sorry I wasn't able to take the position at that salary. Click.
Now, although I am employed and it looks as thought my current employer might offer me a similar position, I am on a contract and it ends soon. I am starting to stress. That was a bird in the hand as opposed to all the birds in the bush out there. Now mind you, the bird was skeletal, but it was a bird. 5 years ago I would have thought that was highway robbery and I knew my worth and would not think twice about it. Now.....well we all know that has all changed.
Friends encouraged me to take the job and keep looking but I couldn't do it. As a former manager I know how much you invest in an employee in training and I just can't see letting someone do that and me turn around and accept something else a few months later, or for that matter just do my day to day job knowing that I was looking for something better. I am just not like that. I know it happens but I couldn't see going into a job with that as the plan.
The funny thing about this stress is that this whole process is what I do for a living. Did I do what I would recommend to my client? Would I tell my client to take the job? Why am I so calm about their process, why do I negotiate so much better when it isn't my career? Another case of Physician, heal thyself.
I am one of those weirdos who believe in Karma, God, and whatever it is that makes a life has always worked out for me and my husband in the manner that we may not know why something happened to us, we may suffer for it happening, but have found that 2, 4 or 10 years down the road we ended up in a better place because of the 'terrible' happening in our life. But that doesn't take away the stress I am feeling now.
There are great jobs out there, I have recently interviewed for a few and will keep the good thoughts as much as I can knowing that 1000 qualified people are applying to each of the positions that I am qualified in applying for.
Tomorrow is a new day. I am keeping the faith. I am thinking positive thoughts.
But I wouldn't mind if a few more prayers and positive thoughts came my way.
Now, although I am employed and it looks as thought my current employer might offer me a similar position, I am on a contract and it ends soon. I am starting to stress. That was a bird in the hand as opposed to all the birds in the bush out there. Now mind you, the bird was skeletal, but it was a bird. 5 years ago I would have thought that was highway robbery and I knew my worth and would not think twice about it. Now.....well we all know that has all changed.
Friends encouraged me to take the job and keep looking but I couldn't do it. As a former manager I know how much you invest in an employee in training and I just can't see letting someone do that and me turn around and accept something else a few months later, or for that matter just do my day to day job knowing that I was looking for something better. I am just not like that. I know it happens but I couldn't see going into a job with that as the plan.
The funny thing about this stress is that this whole process is what I do for a living. Did I do what I would recommend to my client? Would I tell my client to take the job? Why am I so calm about their process, why do I negotiate so much better when it isn't my career? Another case of Physician, heal thyself.
I am one of those weirdos who believe in Karma, God, and whatever it is that makes a life has always worked out for me and my husband in the manner that we may not know why something happened to us, we may suffer for it happening, but have found that 2, 4 or 10 years down the road we ended up in a better place because of the 'terrible' happening in our life. But that doesn't take away the stress I am feeling now.
There are great jobs out there, I have recently interviewed for a few and will keep the good thoughts as much as I can knowing that 1000 qualified people are applying to each of the positions that I am qualified in applying for.
Tomorrow is a new day. I am keeping the faith. I am thinking positive thoughts.
But I wouldn't mind if a few more prayers and positive thoughts came my way.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Time to Organize and Edit
The change of seasons is the best time to not only get your closet changed over from summer to fall but to also edit your closet and decide what you need to take out to make what you do have more effective and functional. Where do you start? I have some ideas to help you.
I tweet about finding that great deal @lifebeinglived but along with buying that great item to add to your closet it is almost as important, and in some of your cases, just as important to edit your closet. Now, don't stop reading at this point. I am not one of those stylists who insist that you throw out everything that is not this season, or drastically reduce your closet because, lets face it, most of us can't afford to re-buy enough to replace what we have deleted. I do believe in having as much as you can in order to have choices. My job requires a lot of public contact and I don't want to be seen in the same things over and over. I believe in only having items you love or look great in and I can help you get there as well.
First off, take everything out of your closet and organize based on type of clothing- all short sleeve tops in one area, all long sleeve tops in another area, all skirts separate from pants, etc.Now you separate again based on color. At this point you should only be putting in the clothes you wear all the time. Of course this is the time to put aside any mending, dry cleaning, etc and get it taken care of.
Now, this is where it gets hard. All those items that you never wear but refuse to get rid of, this is what are going to work with now. Take out one item that you have not worn and should get rid of but can't bring yourself to. Now find other items that you do wear to wear with it. Put together the whole ensemble and hang it in your closet. This is your first outfit for the week. Now take the next item you have not worn since Santa was skinny and do the same. When you have put together at least 2 weeks worth of outfits you can stop but keep all the other items you don't wear and put them in a separate area in your closet to deal with once these items are worn or discarded.
Now over the next few weeks if you don't wear the item because you just feel to uncomfortable AFTER putting it on or if you do wear it and hate every minute of it, remember this and discard. And you can do so feeling completely happy with it. Keep repeating until all those items you never wear have been dealt with. As the season changes pull out the season coming and do the same
Now, what to do with the discarded items- you have options. If your friends are roughly the same size and the clothes are really nice- just not your style- get together for a clothing exchange. They may have some great items they just don't feel comfortable in that might work for you. Have a fun evening with friends, get rid of the things in your closet you don't wear, maybe add some things to your closet and in the end, all that others don't want go to charity.
Do this with everything you have- bras, undies, shoes, belts, scarves, etc.. The more you know about what you have and the more you are comfortable with what is left in your closet the more use you will get out of it. But don't throw just to throw. If you try to make it work first then you will know it doesn't and feel good about the discard.
By the way- the other thing I do that others laughed at at first but now follow suit is to set up complete outfits for several weeks. I mean everything, and try on- bag and put together jewelry too. Again, do for a few weeks. Not only will it save time when getting ready in the morning but it will save on surprises when you put on a pair of pants and the zipper is broken. I find I look more put together and accessorize more when I have the time and can go through all my items. I actually have fun doing this for myself and others and find some things that work great together that I wouldn't have thought of. When you find a great outfit, take a picture. You do it for your kids the night before to save time and hassle, why not for yourself
I actually use more of my clothes, enjoy cleaning my closet as I find treasures and my closet is organized and I find it easy to find what I am looking for. I hope you find this helpful, I enjoyed sharing with you and please join me for my tweets @ lifebeinglived for shopping bargains, styling tips and just plain life stuff.
Happy organizing.
I tweet about finding that great deal @lifebeinglived but along with buying that great item to add to your closet it is almost as important, and in some of your cases, just as important to edit your closet. Now, don't stop reading at this point. I am not one of those stylists who insist that you throw out everything that is not this season, or drastically reduce your closet because, lets face it, most of us can't afford to re-buy enough to replace what we have deleted. I do believe in having as much as you can in order to have choices. My job requires a lot of public contact and I don't want to be seen in the same things over and over. I believe in only having items you love or look great in and I can help you get there as well.
First off, take everything out of your closet and organize based on type of clothing- all short sleeve tops in one area, all long sleeve tops in another area, all skirts separate from pants, etc.Now you separate again based on color. At this point you should only be putting in the clothes you wear all the time. Of course this is the time to put aside any mending, dry cleaning, etc and get it taken care of.
Now, this is where it gets hard. All those items that you never wear but refuse to get rid of, this is what are going to work with now. Take out one item that you have not worn and should get rid of but can't bring yourself to. Now find other items that you do wear to wear with it. Put together the whole ensemble and hang it in your closet. This is your first outfit for the week. Now take the next item you have not worn since Santa was skinny and do the same. When you have put together at least 2 weeks worth of outfits you can stop but keep all the other items you don't wear and put them in a separate area in your closet to deal with once these items are worn or discarded.
Now over the next few weeks if you don't wear the item because you just feel to uncomfortable AFTER putting it on or if you do wear it and hate every minute of it, remember this and discard. And you can do so feeling completely happy with it. Keep repeating until all those items you never wear have been dealt with. As the season changes pull out the season coming and do the same
Now, what to do with the discarded items- you have options. If your friends are roughly the same size and the clothes are really nice- just not your style- get together for a clothing exchange. They may have some great items they just don't feel comfortable in that might work for you. Have a fun evening with friends, get rid of the things in your closet you don't wear, maybe add some things to your closet and in the end, all that others don't want go to charity.
Do this with everything you have- bras, undies, shoes, belts, scarves, etc.. The more you know about what you have and the more you are comfortable with what is left in your closet the more use you will get out of it. But don't throw just to throw. If you try to make it work first then you will know it doesn't and feel good about the discard.
By the way- the other thing I do that others laughed at at first but now follow suit is to set up complete outfits for several weeks. I mean everything, and try on- bag and put together jewelry too. Again, do for a few weeks. Not only will it save time when getting ready in the morning but it will save on surprises when you put on a pair of pants and the zipper is broken. I find I look more put together and accessorize more when I have the time and can go through all my items. I actually have fun doing this for myself and others and find some things that work great together that I wouldn't have thought of. When you find a great outfit, take a picture. You do it for your kids the night before to save time and hassle, why not for yourself
I actually use more of my clothes, enjoy cleaning my closet as I find treasures and my closet is organized and I find it easy to find what I am looking for. I hope you find this helpful, I enjoyed sharing with you and please join me for my tweets @ lifebeinglived for shopping bargains, styling tips and just plain life stuff.
Happy organizing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)