What to do?

I am in a transition period in my life- as many people come to at some point or another. My 'job' as a mother is no longer full time and as it once was two full time jobs and has now become part time I am trying to decide what to do with myself and decide where I want to go with what is now my life. My youngest is almost 16, my middle son almost 19 and my oldest 20. Although I am their mother I no longer need to 'mother them' so am looking for something fullfilling to make my day exciting and new. Just what being a mom did for me. Yes, there are things I can do at home, that I love to do, but at the end of the day- actually about noon- I am done with those things and twiddling my thumbs. Yes, my closets are really clean.

First of all I am not one of those people who ever said or thought 'thank goodness the kids are getting older, now is my time'. I loved every minute of my job. My husband never came home to someone saying ' take them, I need time to myself.' Yes there were some difficult days but each day was new- each day was a new learning experience for the boys and me -each day had it's challenges - and each day was fun. Labor of love completely describes it. I also took some pride in my job -my kids- and read every book I could get my hands on about raising kids- boys in particular, household management, teaching, you name it. I did this because I loved what I did and wanted to be successful at it and have well adjusted, happy, healthy and smart kids who had wonderful memories of growing up as well as of my being there with them. During the time I did have work, mostly at work at home jobs or jobs where my kids came with me, I was named M&M Mars Working Mother of the Year and appeared on the Mike and Mattie show. I won from thousands of entries with my ideas about my mothering skills. Ok, maybe it also had to do with my ability to write. I don't claim to be the best mom, just one who cares to be the best mom I can be. Even now when my kids are almost no longer kids.

I am sharing my blog, or maybe just a diary as I am not so sure anyone will read this, as I know many people are also on this journey whether they have kids leaving home, or lost a job, or lost a loved one, or what ever it took to make you wonder what you want to do next. Some of you may not be to this point yet but if you are a stay at home mom with young kids, be prepared, this might be part of your journey too.

I have just recently gotten back into the working world. Just had a long temp/contract type job as a Employment Specialist helping others prepare for working. I got this position as I my background had a mix of HR, Job Placement, and Community Relations so this was a great stepping stone for me to get back to work and the temp position was a great one for deciding if this was right for me without commiting. I am now doing more of a Community Outreach type position with the County, going to non profits, explaing our program and signing contracts. Again, another temp/contract position.

In a perfect world I would work Community Outreach/Relations part time- 30 hours a week - so that I could continue the things I came to love staying at home. Gardening, decorating, painting, writing, and keeping up with my friends. But more on that later.