My current contract is almost over and this whole interviewing process, of which I teach people how to do, is really getting to me. As I have done two fairly short term contracts over the past 18 months it feels like I am constantly interviewing or assessing my interviewing. This is not good for your ego. Either you get inflated when the position is something you are sure you can do or you feel inadequate when you are applying but it is a reach. in either case you are always assessing, evaluating, questioning what you are doing too much of the time. I don't want to constantly be asking myself: did I talk too much, was my handshake firm, was I overdressed, was my breath fresh? Hell, that is my mother in law's job......and my teenagers. There is introspection and then there is privately flogging yourself. I am usually pretty confident and comfortable with who I am with a healthy amount of 'oh, why did I say/do/think/ that' but this process really comes with a more then fair amount of the 'why's privately inflicted.
My job is pretty public and I can stand up and talk about a program, give a presentation on marketing yourself, be a panel member to 200+ people. With knowledge, with confidence, with presence. WHERE DID THIS PERSON GO? All it takes for me to question that is a simple statement ' It was down to two candidates, was extremely close, and we have decided to move forward with the other one.' Why? Did I have a bat in the bat cave?
Did I say I do this for a living? Doctor, heal thyself. How many times have I advised, 'Do your best and don't worry about the rest' or 'Fake it until you make it' or 'You are your biggest critic, I am sure you did fine'. Where is my cheerleader? Why can't I do that Hoo Rah for myself more often? Oh but I do, but when I do then I berate myself for being too confident, narcissistic and cocky.
Oh gray area where are you?
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