Hipbones

Darn. This just stinks. I thought I had it this time. I needed to lose weight again, Ok, the honest truth is more often then not I need to lose more then a few pounds. I am not one of these women who 'forget' to eat or who are 'just stuffed' after having one slice of thin crust pizza. I love food. I love good food. Forget candy and Twinkies and potato chips. I love making a cake from scratch and homemade schnitzel and anything with herbs that has to rise. So when a friend commented that she had lost 15 lbs just by taking a weight lose pill I was on board. I have done my share of diets, with success, but as I near 50 it gets harder to get the weight off and then it seems to come back on all the faster when I am not diligent. I am already a big exerciser so this was not my ticket to skinnytown. In fact I have often wondered while doing my twice weekly 4 mile run how fat I would actually be if I didn't exercise. This pill was my e-ride back to hipbones.

Hipbones. I remember those. I, unfortunately, distinctly remember a day at the beach when I was 21. I was laying on my back, covered in baby oil and happened to lift my head and look down at my toes. OMG (ok, we didn't say that 'back then' either but that is what I was thinking) I could see DOWN THE FRONT OF MY BIKINI BOTTOM! My bikini was stretched across my hipbones and my stomach was so flat- yes, actually CONCAVE- that I could see down my bottoms. I quickly looked around, especially behind me to make sure no one else was looking down the front of my bottoms too! Skinny and dumb. Those were the days!

Anyway, again I digress. My diet pill. Possible side effects sounded worse then being 30 lbs overweight. Possible accidents- might want to wear a pad, stomach pain, frequent and urgent trips to the bathroom- they suggest taking while you know you can spend a few days at home. Wow, how could you not lose weight with this going on. Kind of like having the flu and not only knowing when you are getting it but signing on. Call me desperate but... sign me up. I found a weekend when we had no plans and popped a pill with my dinner Friday night and then hung near the restroom waiting for my side effects to begin. Well, almost hoping they would as that would show this was having an effect on me. Saturday, woke up and took a pill with breakfast and worked out at home skipping my Zumba class. Nothing. Pill and lunch. Dinner and another pill. Went to bed but left the light on in the bathroom, just in case. Woke up having slept through the night. Didn't even get up to pee. Did they say something about kidney damage? Sunday came and went with no activity as well. Wait, there was NO activity. Are you kidding me- how can I lose weight if I don't even drop one kid off at the pool? I get constipated on this pill that promises such drastic bowel issues. This isn't fair! I was counting on a weekend in the bathroom. I was hoping to rent my food. A whole week goes by and I have to increase my coffee intake just be be 'normal'.

I gave it two weeks. I owed it to my hipbones.