Pinterest - To Pin or Not to Pin

Pinterest - My new time suck.......like I need one.  Love it.  For those not on, it is basically an online magazine where you can input your interests and then 'pins' come up with those interests- recipes, home design, fashion and shopping, etc. You can then post, pin, items that you would like to save on to your boards so you can save and refer back to.  It really is all your favorite magazines rolled into one, without the ads.  It is a great tool for someone getting married, remodeling a kitchen, wanting to change hairstyles, etc.  You can create a board, let's say 'brides maids' and then when you see an image of colors, or dresses or flowers you pin it on this particular board and then can refer back to the board and your wedding planner can refer to the board so he/she can have an idea of what your style/theme/thoughts are.  Another example of how you can use your board, and how you can share with others- remodeling a room.  A construction company or Remodeling Company can access the boards of their clients who are on Pinterest and looks at what they have posted and then can create a design and layout based on running themes/color schemes/design styles that their client has posted.  The list goes on and on as to how you can use Pinterest.   

But .... as with anything, there are more then a few things that could be tweaked a bit.

Tweak #1- Copyright issues.  People can pin, but only if allowed by the website, right on to Pinterest.  When you click on the pin it will take you to the website.  Awesome way to get additional traffic, who wouldn't allow pinners to pin?  The other way people pin is by copying and pasting.  Now that is the issue.  If someone then clicks on the pin the original source will not be sited.  Huge potential for copyright issues.

Tweak #2 - You have no control over who follows you, or stopping comments on a pin you have commented on, or comments on your posts.  Again, not too much of a problem but when you have the masses who follow Pinterest, problems will come up.  For example, from personal experience.  A woman by the name of Ashley posted something entertaining, but snarky, about Karma.  I agreed with her comment but also added another comment with a different view point.  Another member, Jon, said that he completely disagreed with Karma and wishing bad luck on others.  Both, Jon and I got a tongue lashing from Ashley saying that if we didn't love her comment we shouldn't have commented on her post.  She got rather nasty with Jon, and he then reciprocated, and everyone who had commented had to be included on this rather nasty exchange, with a few others joining in.  I am sure no one enjoyed this.  Then to top things off, Ashely deleted several of her comments and all of her nasty comments so now it looks like Jon was a complete jerk whose comments were completely out of line.   Other then reporting them I could not remove myself from this list once I had commented.  Now, I rarely comment.  I would love to be taken off Ashley's thread.

Tweak #3 - Related to Tweak #2.  So many people on Pinterest are so sensitive.  Why post if you are so fragile?   It is a Social Networking Site with thousands of members!  Not everyone is going to agree with you.  Again, referring back to #2 - Ashley's pin was a wood painting "Karma, I have a list of people you missed" 


My post on her pin was "I believe in Karma but I also believe that those that are mean and nasty to those around them don't need bad Karma as they already have something nasty going on in their lives and that is why they try to pass it on. Maybe wish them peace and happiness?"  To this Ashley told me to stay off her wall and not to comment if I disgreed with her pins.   Nice.    I think maybe if you are so irritated about what others think about what you believe in/pin,  Pinterest is not for you.  Ashley is not the only one who bites back when someone says mild things like 'this is inaccurate', 'I don't agree with this'.  As long as someone isn't nasty then what is the problem?  This is a Social Networking Site not your private journal.


Tweak #4.  When you join you are automatically given others to follow to start you off.  Great idea but it seems to me that those that are given to you are popular within the Pinterest community but may not be someone that you would follow based on your interests, area, etc.  Maybe a bit more having to do with why you are on and not just who may be followed by many.  I would even rather have a random selection as those who are followed by many will continue to get others selected to follow them as they continue to have their numbers increased by Pinterest and not necessarily by their ability to attract followers based on interests.  Follow me?

I am sure the staff at Pinterest are continuing to improve, especially as the numbers of followers has exploded in recent months.  At this point the benefits of Pinterest greatly outweigh my frustrations so I will continue to keep on pinning..... but only on my own wall!

Seeing a way to give thanks for the negative.

Thanksgiving, a time to reflect on what we are thankful for...but not today, I would to take a different perspective so let’s all take a look at the things we are not thankful for.  The things that we wish were not a part of our lives.   I took a mini poll and came up with several things that people aren’t happy to have as a part of their lives:

Greed , people who are negative, world hunger, irresponsible people, poverty, homelessness, drama queens,  lack of understanding,  people who don’t think before acting, not enough compassion, narcissistic people, bad customer service,  etc.

We really can't do anything about the some of the above- drama queens,people who act without thinking, rude people, etc.....or can we.  We have all heard 'it takes a village' or, my personal favorite  by Maya Angelou 'if you know better you can do better'.  Well it does take a village and I would like to believe that people who treat others rudely, or seem to act in a manner that they are not thinking of others, or who seem to always take up all the space in a room are just individuals who don't know any better.  There are nice ways to educate people.  Like I hopefully am doing now.  If you are cut off in the line at the gas station - or anywhere else- do you let others know in a positive manner.  'Excuse me, were you aware that you just cut me off?'   If someone treats someone rudely do you stand up for the other person 'oh, my goodness, I am sure you didn't mean that how it sounded'.    Now I know that some of you are saying 'are you kidding me, that is just an opportunity for them to scream at me/flip me off/ shoot me'.  Yes, that could be true...... but maybe, it is possible that they just aren't aware of what they did.  My sons' at 6, or 8 or 10 years of age said some unacceptable things at times, acted in an unacceptable manner at times, and treated each other rudely at times.  They were awesome little boys, just not knowledgeable in some areas and when I politely pointed out what they had done  -and in the case of my own children only  - explained to them how it was unacceptable and how it had made someone else feel they rarely did it again.  They wanted to know better so that they could be better.  Who doesn't?    Maybe some folks out there didn't have the parent who helped them out with those things and given the opportunity would see the errors in their ways and adjust.  Who doesn't want to get along in this world?  I do believe that what you put out there is returned - Karma, if you will- so why would someone want to keep putting the negative out there?  Now, this piece is not a license for correcting others in public or becoming rude yourself in doing so so don't go all willy nilly but this is just food for thought.  By giving of our good example to others aren't we putting a bit more good out into the world as well as maybe opening someone's eyes a bit to other possible ways of doing things?

Now, the great part about the above complaints is that there are a few on the list that we can do something about.  Hunger - we can donate to a food bank or local soup kitchen.  Homelessness - we can volunteer at our local shelter or donate supplies or money. Poverty- all the above plus looking for ways to be proactive in our community by voting and participating on the boards of organizations, and providing incentives to employees for helping out.     Now that is something to be thankful for.  Those that help are proactive about the changes we would like to see in the world and are part of the active solution to make positive changes.  Isn’t that the meaning of Thanksgiving! To give thanks for what we have but to recognize AND have the action behind the desire to change  the parts of our society that we don’t like.

Trick or Treating- Community Building

There has been a recent trend in having a ‘safe’ Halloween by taking your kids trick or treating at the
local mall or shopping center. You dress your kids up and walk store to store as they hand out candy. Or even driving your kids over to more affluent neighborhoods.  Safe, yes, but where is the community in that?   I grew up in Iowa. Yeah, make your jokes, but we knew our neighbors….by name. We knew where the kids lived….and where elderly Miss Higgens lived and how she loved it when you took in her trash cans or shoveled the snow off her sidewalk. Halloween night she always saw my dad at the end of her walkway and knew it was us under those sheets or behind the batman mask and saved something special my brothers and sister and I. In return she was a warm house to stop in on our way home or just a friendly wave as we passed by (and another set of eyes). Because we were a community and took care of each other.

The mall never gave us that.

Trick or Treat in your neighborhood. Develop that sense of community. Get to know your neighbors. You and your children will benefit from learning who lives in what house. Is it a potential playmate or someone who you could help out occasionally? Maybe someone you can share recipes with or be that extra set of eyes as your child walks home from school. This isn’t a holiday that is all about how much candy the kids can get but more about your developing that greater treat-  Becoming a better community.

Expectations- Changing scripts

A friend of my son's was afraid to tell his parents he was gay.  He was afraid of how they would react.  I told him they would react - and probably not how he wanted them to. But it would be ok.  It would be better than ok.   I told him a story.

When I was pregnant with my third child I was told I was carrying a girl.  I had two adorable boys at home but after having lost several babies I was thrilled with boy or girl.  As the weeks progressed I settled into this idea of having two boys and a girl.  I embraced it.  With both arms and didn't let go. As any parent does I started picturing my girl, brown curly hair, freckles, big blue eyes.  I started thinking about being the mother of the bride.  I started dressing her, and dressing her, and dressing her.  I was placenta previa so had several ultrasounds, each time them letting me know my little girl was doing well.  The technician even caught her caption of "Baby Girl Greer" on an ultrasound tape that I took home to share with my 2 little guys and husband.  I had a  pink shower with pink cake, again welcoming 'Baby Girl Greer',  with  gifts of adorable hair ribbons and tiny mary janes, and wonderful good wishes for my family and new baby girl.

Two weeks before I was due I went to another ultrasound to hear the good news that the baby had moved and so did the placenta and that I could now deliver my baby boy just fine.  Awesome..............wait, you mean baby girl.  "no, I mean baby boy"  "no, it's a girl"  "no, it's a boy"  I sat in there and argued with the technician about the sex of my baby.  She informed me that my baby girl had a penis........ so..... not really a baby girl.

I was in shock.  I cried. I went home and climbed into bed.  I was thrilled to be having a healthy baby boy.  I was thrilled to be having a healthy baby.  I just had to mourn the loss of my daughter.  I had to put to rest the entire thought process that had occurred over the last 5 months, if you will, dreams of what may family was to have become.  My two boys and a girl..........my two boys and a girl.  Was I disappointed in what the new family had become?  Not at all.  It was just a different dream and not the dream that I had been having. I was so happy I found out prior to the delivery room as I would not have wanted to have to had one fleeting moment of disappointment while holding a gorgeous, healthy baby boy.

I love my family.  I love all my sons' and not for one moment, one second, have I mourned or been disappointed in him not being who he is.  He is a wonderful, upstanding, joy of a son to have. I am the mother of 3 sons.  My three sons.  Brings proud tears of joy as I type.  

I told this young man that there will be a reaction.  If he had talked about being an architect his whole life and then he went to his parents and told him he was enrolling in college under a nuclear engineering program they would be shocked.  They would want to have a discussion.  Not because one is better then the other.  Just different.  They would want to understand the thought process.  They would be happy when you told them it was what would make you happy.  That this was a part of what your dream was about and the dream you all had been having was just a different dream for your future.

Let your parents react.  Give your parents time. They have had a thought process, dreams if you will, of your adult life that have probably included a wife, kids, what many consider 'normal'.  Tell them.  Let them work it through.  Let the dream they have been having become the new dream that include you as a gay man.  The wonderful, intelligent, engaging gay man that I have come to know.

Reactions are just the beginning of understanding.  The understanding part is what makes it all worthwhile.

I am sorry but......

I’m sorry but......

I am sorry you feel that way....

I’m sorry that you got upset.

FYI......these are not apologies.  

An apology is when you take responsibility for your actions.  An apology is when you express sorrow that those actions hurt someone else.  An apology is when you try to make amends for your actions.

We all blow it.  No one is perfect but you get pretty darn close when you are willing to step up and say that you did do something wrong and you would like to make amends for it.  It doesn’t make you any less of a person as it actually makes you more whole.  It shows you have the caring ‘chip’ that so many people seem to be missing. Take a look at the people who never apologize, are they bigger and better then the rest of us.  Are they the people you look up to?   

 “I am so sorry I said that to you, I shouldn’t have.  I know how much it hurt you and I am sorry”  That is an apology.   An apology is not “ I am sorry but you shouldn’t have....”  That is not taking responsibility for your actions and in fact is telling the other person that they were the one responsible as they did something to start it. 

An apology is not “ I am sorry you got so upset”.  Ok......so now you are apologizing for how the other person reacted...Really?  You are not sorry for the behavior that evoked the reaction, you are sorry they reacted so poorly.  So really you are not saying anything about your own actions, just about the others persons’ so you are apologizing for them being upset. Are you apologizing or blaming them for their reaction?  It looks like you are just saying they shouldn't have reacted in the way that they did.  It is fine, and actually great, if you state that you hurt them and that was not your intent at all if that is the case but you still need to take responsibility for your part, not their reaction. 

Apologizing correctly is a gift.  To yourself and to others.  It shows that you were thoughtful about whatever happened and that you cared enough about the other person to indicate that you had fault in it.  You are responsible for your own actions, not anyone else’s so this is not the time to bring up any ‘buts’ about the others input.  If you are sorry for your part then say just that.  Leave their part out or their reaction out.  You are owning up to just you and what you have control over.

And by the way, it shows how thoughtful you are when you apologize for things that may be out of your control but that you know the person feels bad about.  “I am sorry you didn’t get that promotion.  I thought you would be great for the job”  “I am sorry that your brother treated you that way.  You didn’t deserve it”  It is nice to know that someone thought about your situation and reached out in a caring way.

Try it.  Apologize to someone today.  Do it the right way.

We can't even manage to be civil?

And I thought it was just me.  In my aging process I thought I was just becoming more irritated with how I was being treated.  In public, at work, even in church.  Well, it isn’t just me, it is all of us saying the world is not as nice as it once was, or at least America.  Studies, reports and surveys say incivility is on the rise.  Several studies and reports have recently been released citing this negative phenomenon and the Civility in America  2011 Nationwide Survey shows that there has been a 406% increase in incivility in just one year.  This is not a trend we should be proud of.

What is incivility?  These reports sited:

• losing one’s temper or yelling at someone in public
• rude or obnoxious behavior
• badgering or back-stabbing
• withholding important information
• sabotaging a project or damaging someone’s reputation
• Taken someone else’s food, beverage, or condiments from the shared refrigerator without permission?
• not following common courtesy on the road- failing to use turn signals, cutting people off, holding traffic up because you need to make a last minute turn or lane change, cutting into lines.
• Not saying thank you, excuse me, pardon me when someone is courteous (holding a door open, etc) or when you bump into someone.
• Not being aware of your surroundings  (stopping to look around at the top of an escalator)
• I can go on and on.............unfortunately.

And others times it may be a bit more subtle, like:

• arriving late to a meeting
• checking e-mail or texting during a dinner, a meeting, or generally taking attention away from someone else
• not answering calls or responding to emails in a timely manner
• ignoring or interrupting
• not saying “please” or “thank you”
• Purposely not greeting or acknowledging someone
• Starting a conversation or email message without first including a salutation?  Instead of a courteous,  ‘ Good Morning, how are you today?.... That’s good.  How is ____.  Good to hear.  Hey, would you mind moving your car a bit as I can’t get out of the driveway”  what you get is a “your car is blocking mine in”
• Taking the last cup of coffee, last_____ without making more
• Not giving credit to someone else for their contribution
• I can go on and on................unfortunately.

Statistics:

• 96 percent have experienced incivility at work
• 48 percent of employees claim they were treated uncivilly at work at least once a week
• 10 percent said they witnessed civility every day
• 94 percent of workers who are treated uncivilly say they get even with their offenders

What can we do about it?

I for one am not going to stand for it.  It really does take a village to raise a child and if we are going to act like children then let’s all act to raise that bar.  I will make a more concentrated effort to act in kindness at every opportunity and to point out to others, in a kind way, when I believe they have acted inappropriately with me .  Why?  My goal is not to act as corrector or teacher but maybe to share when actions have not been appropriate especially when that has not been their intent.  Awareness is the first step.  In Maya Angelou’s words “when you know better then you can do better”   Oh, and there is that other one...........Karma is a bitch.


Additional reading and information taken from:

http://psychcentral.com/news/2011/08/17/taking-rudeness-of-our-co-workers-home-with-us/28659.html

http://www.foxbusiness.com/personal-finance/2011/08/15/how-is-workplace-incivility-affecting/

http://www.webershandwick.com/resources/ws/flash/CivilityinAmerica2011.PDF

http://www.humanresourcesiq.com/talent-management/articles/workplace-incivility-on-the-rise-four-ways-to-stop/

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/parenting-family/story/2011/08/Incivility-a-growing-problem-at-work-psychologists-say/49854130/1

lifebeinglived: Facebook -Keeping up with Friends or Keeping Up with the Jones's

lifebeinglived: Facebook -Keeping up with Friends or Keeping Up with the Jones's