Preparing your family for a disaster.

Recent tragedies have many of us not only sending prayers, good wishes, and more concrete support to those affected in Japan but also have us considering our own preparedness should we be in similar circumstances. There are many great tools on the web for preparedness information and plans but the following is a good starting point.

First off, have a family discussion.  Children should be made aware of the types of disasters that may happen and that the best way to deal with them is to be prepared for them. Keep all plans simple so that everyone can remember.  Let children know what they can expect if they are in school or day care or away from home.  This discussion may be difficult to have but will actually reduce fear and anxiety should anything actually happen.  

Part of this discussion is having a family emergency plan.  Pick two places to meet in the event of an emergency.  One right outside your home in the event of a sudden emergency such as a fire so that you know everyone is safely out of the house.  Pick another site out of the neighborhood in the event you are asked to evacuate your neighborhood.  Discuss, and meet, at these sites prior to any emergency.  Text, message, and use Social Networking sites to post where you are and that you are ok as these messages often go through before a phone call will. On Social Networking sites you can also post updates and see comments that may be of benefit to you as well.   Ask an out of the area friend or relative to be the emergency contact for your family as it is often easier to make a call out of an area that has been hit by a disaster then within that area.  If possible have an extra battery and alternate between batteries so there is always one fully charged as it is possible you may not have power for several days.  A solar charger is a great alternative especially in California.  One great product to think about is the Etón Microlink, which sells for $30, and runs on solar and hand-cranked power—you can turn the crank to power the radio and a built-in flashlight, as well as to charge your phone (the USB port will plug into most phones).

Have a disaster/earthquake kit.  Your kit should have enough food and water for each person, and pets in your household, for 3-4 days at a minimum.  Keep in mind an adult needs one gallon of water a day- older people, infants, large pets, and those in hot climates need more. When stocking up on food keep in mind that you may not have power or gas so items that do not need any preparation are a must.  Keep a supply of utensils as well as a can opener with your food as you may not be able to get back into your home.  Another must is additional medicines or toiletry items such as contact solution, hearing aid batteries or any other essential items that family members need on a regular basis.  All food, water and medicine should be rotated out every 6 months or sooner.  In your earthquake kit you should also stock blankets, an extra set of clothes for each family member, batteries, a battery run radio, several flash lights, and first aid supplies. Avoid using candles. The Red Cross suggests having a small flashlight and pair of sturdy shoes by everyone’s bed.   Keep your earthquake kit in a cooler or container by the back or front door and if possible have several small kits in several locations.  Have a smaller, similar kit in your car.  It is important to replace the food and water more often though as the heat will affect it quicker.  This can be used when out on the road but may also come in handy in the event you cannot get to the emergency kits in your home. This would also be a great place to keep a copy of your insurance policy and agent contact information along with other emergency contact information. 

Make a plan with a friend or relative somewhat nearby in the event you need to evacuate, especially if you have pets, as many emergency shelters do not allow pets.

Family members should be instructed how and when to turn off the water, gas, and electricity at the main switches or valves. Turn off utilities only if you suspect a leak or damaged lines, or if you are instructed to do so by authorities. If you turn the gas off, you will need a professional to turn it back on. Paint shut-off valves with bright paint to increase visibility. Attach a shut-off valve wrench or other special tool in a conspicuous place close to the gas and water shut-off valves so precious time is not wasted looking for the correct tool.

At the very least these emergency supplies may be raided by starving teens in the event your family runs out of granola bars, as it often happens in my house.  But as a parent of  boys we all know that the best defense is a good offense so just the peace of mind that comes with being prepared should ease some of the worry of what may happen should we ever be faced with a disaster.

Traditions of Christmas

I can't think of Christmas without thinking of baking. I must have been adopted as this is not an apple pie that fell from my family tree.  My mom is not a baker,  well actually she is but that is just because it is her last name.  I cannot face the holidays without making Chocolate Peanut Butter Blossom Cookies, Chocolate Peanut Butter Rice Krispie Treats,  Haystacks, Magic Bars and of course dozens of sugar cookies in the shapes of reindeer, bears, Christmas trees, snowflakes, stars, and Santa's.  I make so many sugar cookies the kids last only about half way through the decorating of them before leaving me in the kitchen to frost/sprinkle/etch way into the night. The kids do enjoy what I make and each has their favorite, thus the reason for making so many different types, but that is only a part of it.  My Norman Rockwell view of this Christmas tradition touches upon all my senses.  Obviously the smell and taste part! I also play Christmas music so that engages an emotion as well as my sense of hearing.  The sight of all these brightly colored cookies, AND my kids sitting there making them and enjoying them makes me warm and fuzzy. And finally the ability to tactically be a part of creating something that brings joy to us as well as to all those that we share with.  Fine, leave me alone in the kitchen to finish up. The baking, and process- including the leaving me- is a part of our family tradition.  Of course I am baking.

Rationalizing a death

I live in a small community, probably a lot like the community many of you are living in.  Unfortunately, our small community has had more then a few teens/young adults die by terrible accidents in the past few years.  As the mother of 3 young men I am not only saddened but scared to death.  One of these young men is the son of a neighbor.  We were recently talking and she made the comment that she can't believe how people will come up to her and say the dumbest things.  "He was drinking, wasn't he?' (No he wasn't)  'I suppose they were drag racing' ( No they weren't)  'That's what happens when you are out at all hours of the night' (They were leaving her house after having dinner with her and her husband at about 6 pm).  My friend, especially in her grief, cannot believe someone would be so judgmental about how a young person had died.  My response, in my infinite wisdom as a mother of 3 sons who do stupid things, was that this was not judgement talking but fear.  I have done it myself, well at least internally.  We are all scared to death that this can, and might, happen to our kids.  If the teen who died was drinking, doing drugs, racing, AND had felonies then we can breath a sigh of relief as then our kids will then be safe.  Our kid doesn't do those things so we don't have to worry about them. We don't want to admit that accidents will happen because they looked down on the floor for a CD, or that they turned their head for too long to look at a cool car, etc. etc.  Because if that is what happened then it could happen to our kid too.  We want to rationalize what happened even when there is no rationalization.

I am a good mom, actually a great mom.  I have expectations for my sons, rules at my house, consequences for actions, we sit down and discuss their actions and actions of friends and what short and long term consequences are, my sons come to me when they have problems but I am not their friend and not worried about being their friend.  My kids are great kids, but still in the process of developing the ability to reason (studies show it isn't fully developed in males until age 25!).  Now my husband claims that one of my favorite hobbies is worrying.  He says I actually enjoy it as I make up things just so I can worry. I admit I worry.  Why wouldn't I worry?  Knowing that they are still developing that ability to reason and that bad things can still happen to good people I do say a 'Hail Mary' every time they walk out that door.  I can be the best mom ever, have the best kids ever, lecture all I want, put them in the safest cars possible, only allow them to drive between the hours of - and - and I could still get that terrible knock on the door.

Of course we want to rationalize.

Job Offer

I think I have lost my mind. I got a job offer, yes in this economy, and turned it down.!?!?  It was a decent job, it wasn't that I didn't like it or felt I couldn't do it. It was a program manager position managing 3 offices and 12 employees.  It sounded interesting and I had done each component of the position at some point in my career. I was comfortable I could do a great job.   The position was challenging and would add to my job skills and update some areas of my resume that needed updating.  Wow, the more I type the crazier I sound. The problem with the position is that they offered me 25% less then I am making right now and there was no room for growth.  For a management position with much more responsibility!!  When the offer was made I thought it was a starting point for negotiating and started what was a process that was the norm 5 years ago I had the door shut in my face and told that was the highest they could go and they were sorry I wasn't able to take the position at that salary.  Click.

Now, although I am employed and it looks as thought my current employer might offer me a similar position, I am on a contract and it ends soon.  I am starting to stress.  That was a bird in the hand as opposed to all the birds in the bush out there. Now mind you, the bird was skeletal, but it was a bird.  5 years ago I would have thought that was highway robbery and I knew my worth and would not think twice about it.  Now.....well we all know that has all changed.

Friends encouraged me to take the job and keep looking but I couldn't do it.  As a former manager I know how much you invest in an employee in training and I just can't see letting someone do that and me turn around and accept something else a few months later, or for that matter just do my day to day job knowing that I was looking for something better.  I am just not like that. I know it happens but I couldn't see going into a job with that as the plan.

The funny thing about this stress is that this whole process is what I do for a living.  Did I do what I would recommend to my client?  Would I tell my client to take the job?  Why am I so calm about their process, why do I negotiate so much better when it isn't my career?   Another case of  Physician, heal thyself.

I am one of those weirdos who believe in Karma, God, and whatever it is that makes a life has always worked out for me and my husband in the manner that we may not know why something happened to us, we may suffer for it happening, but have found that 2, 4 or 10 years down the road we ended up in a better place because of the 'terrible' happening in our life.  But that doesn't take away the stress I am feeling now.

There are great jobs out there, I have recently interviewed for a few and will keep the good thoughts as much as I can knowing that 1000 qualified people are applying to each of the positions that I am qualified in applying for.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I am keeping the faith. I  am thinking positive thoughts.

But I wouldn't mind if a few more prayers and positive thoughts came my way.

Time to Organize and Edit

The change of seasons is the best time to not only get your closet changed over from summer to fall but to also edit your closet and decide what you need to take out to make what you do have more effective and functional.  Where do you start?  I have some ideas to help you.

I tweet about finding that great deal @lifebeinglived but along with buying that great item to add to your closet it is almost as important, and in some of your cases, just as important to edit your closet.  Now, don't stop reading at this point.  I am not one of those stylists who insist that you throw out everything that is not this season, or drastically reduce your closet because, lets face it, most of us can't afford to re-buy enough to replace what we have deleted.  I do believe in having as much as you can in order to have choices.  My job requires a lot of public contact and I don't want to be seen in the same things over and over.  I believe in only having items you love or look great in and I can help you get there as well.

First off, take everything out of your closet and organize based on type of clothing- all short sleeve tops in one area, all long sleeve tops in another area, all skirts separate from pants, etc.Now you separate again based on color.  At this point you should only be putting in the clothes you wear all the time.  Of course this is the time to put aside any mending, dry cleaning, etc and get it taken care of.

Now, this is where it gets hard.  All those items that you never wear but refuse to get rid of, this is what are going to work with now.  Take out one item that you have not worn and should get rid of but can't bring yourself to.  Now find other items that you do wear to wear with it.  Put together the whole ensemble and hang it in your closet.  This is your first outfit for the week.  Now take the next item you have not worn since Santa was skinny and do the same.  When you have put together at least 2 weeks worth of outfits you can stop but keep all the other items you don't wear and put them in a separate area in your closet to deal with once these items are worn or discarded. 

Now over the next few weeks if you don't wear the item because you just feel to uncomfortable AFTER putting it on or if you do wear it and hate every minute of it, remember this and discard. And you can do so feeling completely happy with it.  Keep repeating until all those items you never wear have been dealt with.  As the season changes pull out the season coming and do the same

Now, what to do with the discarded items- you have options.  If your friends are roughly the same size and the clothes are really nice- just not your style- get together for a clothing exchange.  They may have some great items they just don't feel comfortable in that might work for you.  Have a fun evening with friends, get rid of the things in your closet you don't wear, maybe add some things to your closet and in the end, all that others don't want go to charity.

Do this with everything you have- bras, undies, shoes, belts, scarves, etc.. The more you know about what you have and the more you are comfortable with what is left in your closet the more use you will get out of it. But don't throw just to throw. If you try to make it work first then you will know it doesn't and feel good about the discard.

By the way- the other thing I do that others laughed at at first but now follow suit is to set up complete outfits for several weeks.  I mean everything, and try on- bag and put together jewelry too.  Again, do for a few weeks.  Not only will it save time when getting ready in the morning but it will save on surprises when you put on a pair of pants and the zipper is broken.  I find I look more put together and accessorize more when I have the time and can go through all my items.  I actually have fun doing this for myself and others and find some things that work great together that I wouldn't have thought of.  When you find a great outfit, take a picture.  You do it for your kids the night before to save time and hassle, why not for yourself

I actually use more of my clothes, enjoy cleaning my closet as I find treasures and my closet is organized and I find it easy to find what I am looking for. I hope you find this helpful, I enjoyed sharing with you and please join me for my tweets @ lifebeinglived for shopping bargains, styling tips and just plain life stuff.

Happy organizing.

Alzheimers, and why Grandpa got kicked out of the care facility.

Grandpa got kicked out of his care facility. 

It has been a while since I have been on.  I have a list of things I would like to write about but the thing that keeps coming to mind is my Grandpa.  For those of you who don't know my Grandmother passed away a few months ago, her birthday in June would have been her 90th.  She was my grandfather's main caretaker, they lived in a senior center but as he had Alzheimer's she was the one who dealt with his daily issues.  The 'plan' was that when grandpa got bad she would be in a place that would offer her additional help until grandpa passed away.  Well, as we all know, we make plans and God laughs. 

Gramps has had a really tough time since.  About a month of telling him every single day, some days several times a day, that Grandma had died.  Terrible watching him grieve each time.  That finally passed. Then he went through a period where he kept packing up his belongings ready to go 'home'  Now he makes comments that he is 'missing someone'.  He is so kind, tells everyone how wonderful it is to have his loved ones around but that someone is missing.

 Grandpa was recently kicked out of the nursing home.  We are very lucky that he is not a 'typical' Alzheimer's sufferer as he is very kind, talks about how great it is he has his health, and hugs and kisses everyone he thinks he knows. He was kicked out because he goes into other seniors rooms and won't leave.  He insists that he lives there and he knows them  He is very nice about it and was very well liked but he is still coming in and not leaving .  I don't blame many of the others living there who it causes a concern for.  They don't have Alzheimer's, they know they don't know him.

My uncles found a new 'home' for Grandpa. He was interviewed and found to be a good fit, it was very hopeful in that those who dealt with those in this unit say that his behavior is 'normal'.  Good.  Nice to hear normal for a change.  It is a unit with only those who have Alzheimer's, and staffed by those who have experience with Alzheimer's  My broher and sister recently visited and during their visit another resident came in and sat next to grandpa and joined their visit.  Gramps patted her on the leg and just continued on. A few minutes passed and the staff came in and asked if my brother and sister wanted them to escort 'Mildred' out. Grandpa seemed fine so they said no.  Funny thing was Mildred looked a bit like Grandma.  All that mattered was that Grandpa was comfortable, and he was.  Maybe he just needs someone to sit with in the evenings.  He may not remember outright but somewhere deep down he knows he sat with someone every night for 66 years. 

In his own way Grandpa is trying to fit in.  Most of the residents there have and need canes to get about.  Grandpa has never used a cane nor needed one but on my uncles last visit he kept asking where his cane was.  My uncle is getting him a cane. If that helps Gramps feel a part of the group then get him two.

Grandpa has a huge family that loves him and thinks that he has been the epitome of a role model.  Grandpa was a hardworking small business owner who took his two sons into the business.  Grandpa was a stand up guy who was the first to give someone the shirt off his back. Grandpa was not afraid to teach his kids and grandkids even if that meant that didn't like him for a while.  Grandpa went to church every Sunday and did so because he wanted to be there, not because it was Sunday. Grandpa loved and was loved back  My grandmother was always right there with him in all that they chose for his life.  He may not remember a particular birthday party, or a graduation, or his granddaughters name, me, but the important things are ingrained in him and make him a lovely person, even as he visits rooms of those who don't want him to visit.

Interviewing and your mental health.

My current contract is almost over and this whole interviewing process, of which I teach people how to do, is really getting to me.  As I have done two fairly short term contracts over the past 18 months it feels like I am constantly interviewing or assessing my interviewing.  This is not good for your ego.  Either you get inflated when the position is something you are sure you can do or you feel inadequate when you are applying but it is a reach.  in either case you are always assessing, evaluating, questioning what you are doing too much of the time.  I don't want to constantly be asking myself: did I talk too much, was my handshake firm, was I overdressed, was my breath fresh?  Hell, that is my mother in law's job......and my teenagers.  There is introspection and then there is privately flogging yourself.  I am usually pretty confident and comfortable with who I am with a healthy amount of 'oh, why did I say/do/think/ that' but this process really comes with a more then fair amount of the 'why's privately inflicted.

My job is pretty public and I can stand up and talk about a program, give a presentation on marketing yourself, be a panel member to 200+ people.  With knowledge, with confidence, with presence.  WHERE DID THIS PERSON GO?  All it takes for me to question that is a simple statement ' It was down to two candidates, was extremely close, and we have decided to move forward with the other one.'  Why?  Did I have a bat in the bat cave?

Did I say I do this for a living?  Doctor, heal thyself.  How many times have I advised, 'Do your best and don't worry about the rest' or 'Fake it until you make it' or 'You are your biggest critic, I am sure you did fine'.  Where is my cheerleader?  Why can't I do that Hoo Rah for myself more often?  Oh but I do, but when I do then I berate myself for being too confident, narcissistic and cocky. 

Oh gray area where are you?