Living the Dream

Another writer friend- ok, she is the writer I am just the wanna be-  put it out there that she wanted to hear from her friends that were 'living the dream' as far as their careers were concerned as she wanted to get their feelings and input as to what they had to do in order to get where they were.  Talk about funk inducing.  I couldn't respond to her as I am not one of those I would have considered to be in my dream job.  I wanted to respond to her, I racked my brain with areas that I could expand on ( read: make shit up) in order to satisfy this desire to be 'living the dream' in a career sense.  Then the self abuse started and the gloves came out:  I shouldn't have excuses, what I am waiting for, the only person that is stopping me is me.

Then I settled down. 

I made the decision to stay home with my sons when they were born.  I did that with a happy heart and spring in my step.  I wanted to get spit up on, and be the one who got up in the night every night when they were sick, clean the pee off the ....oh, never mind..... what can I say about boys.  I was able to take walks around the block that took two hours because we had to stop and say hello and name every bug we 'met'.  I was able to kiss sweaty little heads when they fell asleep in the car on the way home from errands and I took a book out and sat with them so they could get a good nap in.

I do have a good job now.  I enjoy what I am doing to a large extent.  I work for a great organization. And......I am the one who is earning the money that allows us the ability one son to Santa Clara University and one son to Boston University and one son to Bellarmine College Preparatory.  Am I paying for it all on my salary?  Nope,  but I am able to make enough for us to make it work with a few scholarships and loans.  I am able to get health, dental, vision and life insurance.  The job I am working in today and the choices that I am making today allow my sons to do what they are doing now and giving them the ability to dream too.  I am knocking something off my bucket list in helping them get great educations. 

Yes, I would like to be a wildly successful corporate social responsibility manager/writer/personal shopper-stylist. But......  right now I am not.  I am still dreaming and taking baby steps in the direction of  those things because some day my bills won't be as large as they are today.

And no, this is not a stay at home vs working mom debate.  Some of us do what we have to do, some of us do what works best for us, and some of us do a variety because there is no right or wrong answer.  This was the right decision for me........But, if there was something I could have changed it would have been this: As much as I thrived on being with my kids when they were babies/toddlers/small children, if I could change anything it would have been to start working just a few hours a week in a position related to what I dreamed of doing.  So what if it paid nothing if I could work from 10-2 or from home if it kept my skills up to date or gave me new skills.  I was lucky in that I volunteered and worked on non profit and school boards and was active in my kids schools which also gave me some skills but I coulda/shoulda been more focused on where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do when we were all grown up.

Am I living the dream?  Yeah.... I am.  My sons are all awesome people, not just awesome sons, but awesome people.  I have a family that loves and supports me.  Great friends.  And yes, at almost 50 I am still allowing myself to dream.

Planning your day. What are you reaching for?

We have all heard or seen the eye opening narrative where the professor uses two of the same glass receptacles and in one places the sand {the small everyday- mundane items in your life that need attention} then puts in the rocks {the larger items in our life that need attention- the house, finances, etc} and then doesn't have room for the larger rocks {the more important things like family, health, friends.}  He then explains how you put the large rocks in first as they are the most important then the rocks will fill in the spaces around those and then the sand will then fill in the smaller holes around the large rocks and small rocks.  The exercise illustrates how we can make everything fit into our lives if we just take care of what is important first and let everything else fill in around that. 

It is as enlightening as it is practical and brimming with common sense. Very similar to the reason I re read my favorite parenting books over as I knew hat was in there and what worked but sometimes I just needed the refresher.

Now this also applies to work and might again be something we all know but just don't follow through with as the 'sand' tends to be what grabs our attention moment to moment.  I once knew of a  ED who advised employees to grab the 'low hanging fruit' when managing their time during the day.   I operate, and have done Executive Training, that says that the opposite is is what you should be reaching for.  Do not do the easy tasks first.  If you want to accomplish as much as possible start off with your list of big rocks- the projects, the reports, the deadlines.  Then list your little rocks- your meetings, next weeks meetings, and deadlines.  And then your sand- your e-mails, the little to do list, etc.  You will have time for it all.  Just like the receptacle was big enough.

Start early.  When you are there at 7 or 7:30 and close your door, it gives you time to attack the 'rocks' before the interruptions start. If you need a break between the big projects or 'big rocks'  hit a few of the smaller rocks in between.  You can also jump to the smaller rocks as the day winds down and you might not have the focus or patience as you did earlier in the day. Transfer any over to your list for the next day- again-  big rocks first and small rocks next. I actually list my to do's under Big Rocks/Small Rocks/ Sand.  Read your e-mails 4-5 times a day and answer them and address the task then and there.  If you can't answer or take care of the task add that to your 'to do' list for the end of your day or the next day. Delete, file away and throw away.  After 15 to 20 minutes with your e-mails or small tasks make a point to go back to your 'big rocks and little rocks'  Check them off as you go.  What you don't complete you add to your list for the following day.  Know that your small rocks will become bigger rocks as deadlines approach.  Know that you won't complete your list daily but you will complete more tasks on that list then if you did not have the list.  And know that low hanging fruit is not what you want to be reaching for.

How to Organize your Closet and Edit at the Same Time.

If you have never walked into a packed closet and still not found anything to wear then you can stop reading now.  You have it covered.  You are good to go.  You are Wonder Woman and wear the same star bedazzled bustier and red shorts every day.  You go girl.  If you are one of us mere mortals and have a completely packed closet yet you either wear the same 6 outfits over and over or you never feel put together then keep reading.  Hopefully you will learn from my obsessive compulsive behavior without having to actually have it in your brain.

Now let me explain editing if you don't know, All of us need to from time to time, go through our closet and pull out all those items you never wear or make you feel less then good when wearing that item.  We have too many things that could happen to us during the day to leave the house feeling less then beautiful.  If you are like me and raised with the 'don't waste' theme running through your head then know when you donate an item it will go to good use.  Maybe it will be special for someone else.

First of all, take everything out of your closet and clean and dust.  Now you have a clean closet and that feels good right there.  Buy a few pretty big boxes for storage, cedar balls/planks, and air fresheners and spread throughout your closet.  Keep it fresh smelling and moth free from the get go. You might need more items but this is a start. 

Now decide where you will be rehanging and shelving items.  All long sleeve tops should go in one area, all short sleeve tops in another and so forth.  You should have a section for top- broken into long and short sleeves, pants, skirts-again, long and short, suites, jackets, sweaters, and dresses.  Then you should have a readily accessible area that you keep empty for now.

Start with one item.  If it is in season hang it back in your closet in one of your designated areas.  Pick up the next item and hang it in the correct area.  As you go, make sure you are keeping items color coordinated.  All your black, long sleeved tops should be together, all your red long sleeve tops should be together, etc, etc. 

When you come to an item you don't wear and would never wear, now is the time to put it in the donation or giveaway pile.  Now, I am realistic, I know there are items you don't wear that you really aren't going to get rid of but we will get back to that. When you come to an items, such as a wool pair of pants and it is June then pull out one of your pretty boxes and place neatly in the box.  You should only have items that are wearable in that particular season in your closet. The rest goes in your plastic/fabric boxes for storage on the top shelf or somewhere else.

Once you have all your items in your closet, or in your seasonal storage bins, and organized pull out your stylist bags and put outfits together for the next couple of weeks.  Pull out a pair of pants you have not worn for a while and find a top that you have not worn for a while that matches and put together.  Make sure each item is clean and mended and ready to wear.  If not, take care of it.  Now, with your stylist bags, complete those outfits by adding undergarments that work, jewelry that works-hopefully items that you don't wear weekly, belts, scarfs and shoes or boots.  All this fits in the stylist bags and you can then hang them on the hanger with your top/bottom/dress.  Hang this set in your free area in your closet that we talked about earlier.  Keep doing this until you have at least 7-8 outfits all set and ready to go in your closet.  You won't believe how much time this will save you when a few minutes count in the morning but more importantly you are actually using all the clothes in your closet.  When you have 7-8 outfits you have choices in the morning, even when it comes to Friday.

Now comes the key.  When you launder these outfits and return them to your closet hang them back up always in the right section to the right in each color coded section.  When doing it this way you will find out what clothes you actually truly wear or don't wear as it will always be on the left.  When a few months have passed and you have not worn an item then make sure you put together outfits with items on the left.  If, after putting together an outfit and hanging it in your 'to wear' section you are still not wearing it it is time to part with that item. Another reason to part with that item is if when you wear it you don't feel good in it.  Life is too short to wear things that don't make you feel good, not matter what the cost.  Now, let's say you love a top but all the skirts/pants/bottoms don't work then add what will work to your 'to get' list.  Now, as you are shopping you know what you need to round out your closet.

I know this has been long winded but by following these tips you will have, and keep, an organized closet AND, even bigger, you will know what you are wearing in your closet and what you really won't wear so you can remove it for good and either make more room altogether or make room for other things you love.   Huge time saver as well as an easy way to edit without feeling as though you would wear something if given the right circumstances.  Sound like a familiar conversation you have had with yourself?  Yeah, me too.

So, get started today, it is actually the perfect timing as your spring/summer clothes can stay out and your winter clothes can be put away.  If you need help, either sylist bags or help in organizing, give me a call.  I am happy to help.

Mind over Matter How to De-clutter

Mind over Matter.

How to De-clutter

As someone who works with people on moving forward in their lives I would like to offer a bit of a mind set to try on prior to jumping into any organizing or de-cluttering project. Once you are committed to moving forward the rest is just the doing. 

1)  Live the life that you want to live.  If you have something in the garage because it is not your style, or your color, or it doesn't make you feel good then it is not meant to be yours.  We all learn and get better as we go along.  Maybe we are a better version of ourselves and the item is not. Let it go.  Be the person you want to be.  Would you rather have a house full of ugly things or very few things but items that reflect who you are.  Would you rather give a gift wrapped in crinkly paper or spend a few more pennies (really, it is just pennies at you can get cute stuff at the dollar store) and give a gift that reflects who you are or even who you would like to be. Do you need 10 cookie sheets or can you get by with 4 of your nicest?  Do you need 15 coffee mugs with varying logo's designs etc or do you want to use the ones you love?  William Morris was a smart man when he said,  "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” 

2) Follow the 3 year rule.  If you have not used something in 3 years you will probably not use it again.  Some people believe that you should go by the one year rule but I know that realistically people will not do that. I know that life sometimes lives us, we don't live it.  Give yourself a break. There are some years that you don't use something you normally would have at a certain time or point because someone in your family was sick or hospitalized, or  "you weren't home a lot that summer" or whatever else it is that made the past year or 2 unusual.  3 years and you will know for sure.  After 2 years put the item in a box in the garage/basement/attic.  Mark it with the date.  If during the next year you pull the item out and actually use it, it is safe, if not at the end of that year it is no longer yours as you don't need it.  If you pull it out because you want to use it or think you will but you don't use it, put it back in the box.  I know this may feel like you are moving boxes around and you will in the first year but each year when you do it you will have boxes you are taking out, not just items.

There will be some items you don't need to put in a box and wait the three years for.  You know you haven't used the item in a long time.  Release it.  Set it free.  Maybe someone will give it the use you never could. Make it easy.  Have boxes marked  'Trash' 'Garage Sale' 'Charity' and then your 3 year box. Pick a closet/drawer/room and have at it.  I promise that with each area you complete you will feel better.  Even a drawer getting organized makes me feel accomplished.

3)  I was raised in a lower to middle class family.  I HATE not being thrifty and not using items or discarding them due to non use instead of something wearing out. This is my biggest hurdle when cleaning out.  When I say to get rid of it or it is not yours that does not mean to throw it out.  It always makes me feel as though I wasn't a spend thrift if I find a home for it where the item will be used and wanted. You can sell it, you can give it away to a charity, you can give it to friends you know who may want or need it.  I love excuses for a get together with friends and family so I prefer having a trade party.   Everyone brings decent items that they no longer use or want.  For each item that you bring you get a ticket and you can use these tickets to buy an item that someone else brings.  You each agree at the end of the night that if someone doesn't want you item or you don't want someone else's item it goes to charity.  If several people want the same item you can draw for it or bid another ticket but establish the rules at the beginning.  Make it a potluck and have fun.  Know there will be laughing at some items or bidding wars over others.

4)  Do not save things for other people.  There will be no 'so and so will use this' in a few years.  Ask if they want it now.  If they do, they can store it.  

5) Throw some of this out the window when you are dealing with heirlooms or family items. Sometimes that falls under the Willliam Morris quote of usefulness and beauty.  It may be useful because it maintains family ties or may be beautiful as it brings to mind wonderful family memories.  This is a part of living the life you want to. 

6) Organize by how you use the item, where you use the item, season, color, etc.  Have a plan.  If it makes sense it will make it easier for you and allow you to remember where it is and therefore help you with actually allowing it to be a useful item.  All crafts should be in one area.  If you can't fit them into the area find a different area.  It makes no sense to have them in different spots, even if they are organized.  How many times have you gone out and bought something because you didn't know you had it and you looked in the area you thought it should be?  Make it make sense.

7)  I have a friend who follows the 'In and Out' rule.  If she buys a new broom, pan, picture,etc she then has to get rid of one of the same.  You may not be able to do this every time, or want to especially if you  buy based on what you need but it might be something to keep in mind when you do have multiples.  Especially when there is a lot of wear.

8)  Make a list as you clean and de-clutter.  Write down what you could use and what you have a need for.  You might not be able to run out and buy every item but at least you will know.  Write down what is broken and needs to be fixed.  Write down anything that comes up in the form of a 'to do'  If you don't you will pull the item out to use and find that you may as well not even have the item because you can't use it. 

I hope that helps.  As I said, as I work with people on changing things that don't work in their lives I find the biggest hurdle is their own mind set.  People usually have the ability or can learn what they need to do.  It is freeing them of the thoughts and patterns that they want to continue on with even when it isn't working.

Your wardrobe closet brings a whole new set of rules- more on that to come.

When Grandma Doesn't Know Best-Getting Help When Bringing Home a Newborn.

My 3 favorite moments on earth involve having my sons.  Not necessarily the birth but bring each home and becoming that family, exhausted, rumpled clothes, disoriented family, but happy, whole family non the less. My two older are 18 months apart and with the third homecoming I had three 4 and under.   I have a lot of experience with children, babies in particular, so the transition was actually pretty easy- if you don't consider that my house wasn't always 'company ready' and my hair looked kind of 'dreadlocky' some days.  We were busy figuring out what worked for us and how to incorporate each little person into what equated to happiness for us.

Maybe you love kids but have not had a lot of experience with them. You might not even know how to set up a nursery, or what swaddling is, or the pro's of why you would get a stroller with the car seat attached.  A new baby comes home and you have no idea what a normal schedule is, what a normal poop is, how many ounces (top and bottom end) is normal, or how to bathe a baby, or maybe ways to soothe them when they are just fussy or uncomfortable.  You need help.  

 For first time parents, and those need a little help integrating a baby into a house with kids,sometimes it is better to bring a third party into your home to help out rather then have one of your mom's come in.  I know family loves to help, and they can be great help, but often you need to have your wishes respected while still getting expert advice and valuable help.  And, here is the tough part, you are establishing boundaries that a few families out there may need help with.  If grandma comes to help, mom may decide that your newborn gets formula A, and should cry themselves to sleep, and whatever else it is that mom may believe in that most new parents usually get to make the decision about.  Now non of those things are life threatening so may seem innocuous in the whole scheme of things but what some grandparents may take it as is the ability to continue to make decisions and have an input  on without being asked.  Once alpha dog is established it is often hard to break the habit without feelings being hurt.

By bringing a third party in you are getting the help that you need but they take their baggage with them when they leave.  There isn't the possibility of you being questioned each time you make a decision, try something new, or junior is fussy as a precedence for looking to someone else has not been established except with that person that was sent home after you got your routine down.

You can call someone in to spend the week at your house, not to take care of the baby but to impart tips, techniques and knowledge while you do the care giving.  This is an option for some parents depending on the personality and capability of the grandparents involved.  New parents have enough going on so doing what works best for them should be priority.  So they can enjoy that beautiful baby and become a family about what works best for them.

Drop me a line if I can help.  You never have to see me again. ;)

Learn to Shop.

Shopping in the bay area is a blast.  We have a wide variety of stores in numerous different areas.  I found a Kate Spade, Candy Cane Jillian Dress at Nordtroms Rack at Westgate Mall  for 70% off and when they didn't have my size they called the Palo Alto store and had them set it aside for me.  LOTS of opportunity it out there. Preparation is key.  Go through your closet and throw out (give away) what you don't wear, what you don't love wearing, and those items when you where them you just don't feel good in.  then see what you need.  Do you need long sleeve casual shirts?  Dress pants?  Work dresses?  Write everything down, be specific about color and style understanding that you won't get it all and you can adjust as you find things.

When shopping have this list in your hand as it will keep you focused.  Now saying that, it is part of the hunt that you will buy things not on that list JUST BECAUSE you love it and it is a steal.  This is part of the deal.  The really fun part.

It may take a bit of time but when you get the finds it is well worth it.  I have included an idea of what can be done with a bit of effort.

Need help?  Give me a call or follow me on twitter @lifebeinglived where I post some of these same deals.

Was $148 now $59.97

Add a pair of Michael Kors sunglasses from Loehman's for $39.19 that normally would be $205




pair with shorts from H&M for $24.95







Atop from Macy's on sale from $59.50 now $43.99




Add shoes from DSW for $69.95 regularly $110.00




And then add this hat from J.Crew on sale for $29.50 from $39.50

 The total comes to $267.55 where if we didn't get it at the deals we did would have been $584.95 for a savings of $317.40!  Now that is shopping I love!

 Or try this dress that was $250.00 now for only $99.99 at J. Crew

 

Another dress that can be worn with all of the above accessories can be found at Forever 21 for $32.80



Another possibility  was $68.00 on sale $24.97 and the shoes from Target at $24.99

Anyone else ever feel this way?

I haven't been on my blog in forever.  Chaos has been too much of a constant over the past 4 months.  The proverbial not knowing what project to start with when your desk is a mess.  My internal desk was a mess.  I have been making attempts to clean up the clutter. 

The first clean up.  I was working in a job that was a terrible fit.  It was with a great organization but the job and the department were not a great fit for me and my internal culture.  That is what started the chaos.  Then, the non profit ran into some financial difficulty and we had budget cuts.  Deep budget cuts.  20+ people were laid off.  2 Directors.  Tough stuff. Ok.  fine, I didn't have a job but here was an opportunity to find a job that was a great fit.  The problem was I wasn't really sure what that was. Remember, I was a mom.  A full time mom.  Other moms said I was a great mom and came to me for advice.  I even won a Mother of the Year contest.  This was a job I was not able to go back to.  Talk about being laid off! Was I still on that old story?   Then the chaos really kicked in.  What the Hell!  I am 50 years old, why wouldn't I know what I wanted to do?  Writing has always been my kickstand that helps prop me up and I wasn't able to get my thoughts on paper, I couldn't even form sentences to describe what was so chaotic.  How do I explain when I don't understand?  I know what my interests are. I know what my experiences makes me capable of.  I even know what I excel at.  Why couldn't I piece this puzzle together and create the picture on the box.  This made me even more unhappy.

Then I started to breathe.  I took one day at a time.  Every day I did three things, I did one thing I loved, one thing that was good for me, and thought of one thing that my life was blessed with and kept that in mind all day. And I started to work a part time job that I loved.  And it involved writing, but not about me, or my life.....and it worked.  After this I think my focus will be on writing about what I know, not how I feel and what I think about events.  I need to clear up the desk a bit more.  Wish me luck.